Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Speaking of people with no moral compass....

My Southern Baptist coworker, otherwise a normal and loveable individual, decided to hop on her soapbox and give us all a lecture on the evils of "The Golden Compass" during a meeting today.

It was one of those professional association meetings that always seem to be held at the Holiday Inn, where you are stuck for hours. You are forced to sit and listen to stuff you already knew, but you act attentive anyway, mostly because you think you're going to get freebies and prizes from the reps if you answer all the questions later.;)

This particular meeting was held because Rep Company A bought out Rep Company B.They were "unveiling" some multi-million-dollar software program that was supposed to "revolutionize the industry."

Unfortunately, instead of gift cards to favorite restaurants this time, they instead wrapped up a paperweight with their logo with a cheap-ass silver bow and threw some Jelly Bellies in a gray plastic container, obviously sparing no expense. Woo and hoo...apparently they went all out THIS Christmas.

Upon discovering it was my other coworker's birthday, I put the silver bow on the plastic container, handed him my container of Jelly Bellies, and said: "Here, dude...Happy Birthday..I got you this." Hehehe.

When asked if there were any more birthdays today, I replied, "No, but mine was Saturday? What do I win?"

I was...promptly handed another piece of gray plastic filled with Jelly Bellies.

Closet Trekkie Boy/Harry Potter fan/Birthday Boy and I amused ourselves by pretending they were Harry Potter's "Bertie's Bott's beans" and that they tasted like more interesting flavors, turning the people there into more interesting creatures for our amusement; particularly the guy in front of me. He kept turning around and leaning on my table. He reminded me of an older version of Anthony Michael Hall in "Sixteen Candles," complete with his sad idea of a come on.

"Hey babe...how YOU doin...I knew you'd come 'round. Don't you hate these things? I'd rather take you out to lunch."

I...was tempted to throw Bertie Bott's beans in his bald spot when he turned back around.

I think Trekkie Boy (also the owner's son) thought I wasn't paying attention because of such antics, as well as snickering like a madwoman with my other coworker at her mutant-alien stomach rumblings. Can I help it if it reminded us of an episode of Seinfeld?

He thought I wasn't paying any attention...until they asked if there any questions. :)

I said: "Yeah...um...I really like the new quoting system, it's much more user friendly, and I'm REALLY glad it will save our progress if we lose connection. However....did I miss that there are any error messages to catch you, should you put in values that are inconsistent? "

Uncomfortable shifting of weight, and then..."hmmm...she may be right, what about that, A?"

"(smile) Well...um, yes, we're aware of that. There's a blanket statement at the end that reminds you that all quotes are subject to approval. We're um...working on that. For now, it's especially important for you to double-check yourself."

"Oh, I will...thank you.:)"

Trekkie boy smiled sheepishly at me, which I've learned is his nonverbal equivalent to:

"You clever little shit...the moment I chalk you up to being nothing more than a giggly idiot, you turn right around, dump out all the contents of a problem on the table, and find the crux of the problem...yeah, we'll have to watch that before we quote."

I winked at him. He's a loveable, teddy bear kinda guy.

And good enough, company points earned.

During our HP "Festival of Beans," however, I had forgotten that coworker to my left, though a very dear lady who makes me laugh on a regular basis (as does her stomach), is also a good old-fashioned Southern Baptist gal, which means I was promptly given a lecture on Harry Potter, witchcraft, etc. being "of the devil."

I asked her if she believed that I shouldn't eat JIF peanut butter either, because the CEO of Proctor and Gamble was actually a Satan worshipper.

She looked at me like I farted a funeral. Then she realized I was joking and laughed; she'd forgotten she'd heard that ridiculous churchy rumor, actually started by a competitor.

Then she told me not to let McK see "The Golden Compass" because it was about child-stealing and soul-stealing and God loses at the end of the series.

I told her I'd have to read it for myself first to see the overall message, and that sometimes I didn't see much difference between witchcraft and saying the same prayer 20 times; in fact, I wondered if it was actually the same thing, it was just the label we put on it.

She said, "Aren't you a big church fan/Christian?"

I said, "Sure I am...but I respect all beliefs, I keep an open mind. I'm more about getting past the legalism of religion and more about the overall message, the choices the "characters" make; duality of man, good vs. evil, etc.

I'm also about letting your imagination carry you, without letting yourself get carried away by your imagination.

God likes imagination, he created it...and he understands temptation. Like... Halloween....you can dress up as witches and ghouls, as long as it ends there; never being able to actually cross those moral lines...even when anonymous or a character.

It's the ones that dress up as angels or cute little monkeys, pretending they don't actually have the darkest of human dark sides that you need to worry about most.;)"

Closet trekkie boy proceeded to choke on, then spit out, his last Bertie Botts birthday bean.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Kentucky Vs. Florida Vs. Zack's Alcohol Tolerance

Who do I root for...GAAAK! Actually, I...really...don't care...until basketball season...BUT... Zack just called me and told me to tell everyone that he and his friends are right behind the CBS cameras, they've already been on camera twice, and to tell McK to watch it.

I couldn't get the game here (or I am generally retarded and just can't find it), so I called him back to find out how, and it became abundantly clear that he had done quite a bit of "tailgaiting" already.

Zack: "Heyyy, how YOU doin', this is Biggggg Pappppaaa! "

ME: "*snort*...Yeah, well...hey there, Big Papa, this is Rubber Duck, what's your twenty?

For whatever reason, this sent him into a fit of Popeye laughter for about 5 minutes, followed by other CB-radio quotations, in barely intelligible fashion, from the 70's movie cult classic, "Convoy" and a loud Rebel Yell...

ME: WOW. Z, you are LIT, aren'tcha?

Zack: I tell you what....whew, but it's fucking awwwweeeesome.....YEAHHHHH! WOOOOOOOOO ... followed by yet another rebel yell, then complete silence, as he'd lost reception.


So if you see anyone looking remotely like the guy I had a picture of on here a few weeks ago, I don't know him....just some guy...not my daughter's father or anything...particularly if he does his "mosh-pit mock dance," which he only does when drunk. He thinks it's awesome, but everyone else? Not so much...and now on national television.... I'm... so proud... :)

I'm kidding, Z, you know we love you...and we know you rarely drink these days, so have fun, but don't drive.... and dude, remember...we're not as young as we used to be. Gone are the days of seeing who could do the most shots of Jaeger and drink the other under the table (which I always won, by the way...:)... back then I had freak tolerance....

...or Truth or Dare games run amuck that still come back to haunt me... STILL holding the record for acting the most retarded in a public place...for standing on my head atop a table in Darryl's restaurant, in a mini skirt, proclaiming to the restaurant first "May I have your attention please..."...and doing a Tarzan yell whilst on my head.

Sigh again

....after being dared, of course, y'all thinking I wouldn't because I was "Little Miss Appropriate."
I did that kind of thing in my days of yore idiocy, trying to prove I was as brave and wild as any man(or as stupid).

BUT....we're (ahem) grownups now, and for those times we're not, your daughter is sooooo not watching that and aww, too bad, she's at a Halloween Party and can't see it.:)

I have now told "everyone,"which you'll probably regret asking for later, but that's just too dang bad, this stays up. OHHOOHOOO yeah, it does. So don't vomit while the camera is on you or anything.;)

I... really can't stand football. They stop and start it every five minutes, measure something, and then talk about it for 20 more minutes...

But then I guess men feel very much the same way about our relationship talk...we stop it every five minutes to measure something, talk about it for the next several hours...

It's kinda the same thing...only both events usually end with us women sitting at home with a tub of ice cream and a great book....;)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Pink Ribbons and "Breast Awareness Month";)..Tribute to An Unexpected Reunion With An Old Friend Today


Just a little unexpected tribute to an old, dear friend I surprisingly came across today, an unexpected reunion...(thank GOD, sometimes those turn out well, lol)....one of those "is this really a coincidence" and odd-timing sort of things I've mentioned...so I thought here was as good a place as any to pay tribute to her.

So after the loonnnnggg meeting, I walk into Macy's to get some Clinique...crap...and stop dead in my tracks. There, standing at the Clinique counter, is an old friend of mine that I worked with during my pregnancy and college years, who was like my surrogate mother....Judy.

In fact, corny as this sounds, I'm tearing up writing about that "reunion moment" and introducing her now to my 13-year-old daughter. :) I mean...what are the odds?

We both covered our mouths and gasped, cried and squealed and jumped up and down, like we stupid girls tend to do. We hugged and held both hands while we talked, and there was much oohing and awwing over McKenna, squeezing her within an inch of her life.

I knew Judy moved and then moved again, and I had lost touch with her. She looked EXACTLY the same.

This is the woman (along with the my other counter ho's) who viewed the developed ultrasound pictures with me before Zack did (at the time, a practicing alcoholic, out drunk at a bar somewhere, hitting on some ho) and threw me a surprise baby shower. She and Teder held my hand and kept me laughing throughout my rough pregnancy.

Seeing her was almost like...God smiling on me for moving here .:)

I worked there while in college; working there AND waiting tables for Chi Chi's. (I know, I know, shut up, it's ironic that a small-breasted woman worked as a cocktail waitress at a placed called Chi Chi's, but stay with me..try to focus.;) I didn't work there while pregnant, no, lol, just college and Clinique...(although while pregnant was the only time I actually HAD Chi Chi's.;)

That two-year-Clinique stint was, hands down, the most fun I've ever had on a job. It was like Designing Women; five very different personalities, but it somehow worked.

Small aside/tangent about"Designing Women"....Men will never understand how awesome that show was because they won't even watch it to find out, but it had some of the best comedic writing of all time, combining the quirks of Southern mannerisms with cutting edge politics during the Reagan era. The original cast was the best: Dixie Carter, Delta Burke, Annie Potts, and Jean Smart.

I just saw an Emmy-winning episode the other day...1986, I think?

Julia Sugarbaker (two syllables in the south.... it's "JEWL-yah")....has an uppity, country-club, southern-belle, stereotypical ultra-conservative over to visit while her gay friend with AIDS is there also (having just asked the women to organize/design his funeral). The upper-crust society of Atlanta had shunned him since his coming out. The woman publically insults him...loudly exclaiming that the reason he has AIDS is, as a point of fact, that God is punishing him for his sexual sin.

Julia asks her to leave, but nobody asks people to leave like the outspoken (but still well-mannered) Southern Belle, Dixie Carter:

"I'm so sorreh, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leavah? You see, I have a very dear guest in my home, who is welcome here with me at any time, and that you have just now rudely insulted? So from this moment fahwahd, it's YEW that is not welcome herah."

(Opens door for her....awww, shit...y'all done pissed Jewl-yah off, now)

"And let me tell you somethin' else..."Bitsy"...I've known you for a vehry, vehry, vehry, VEHRY lonnnnnnnnnng time...

... and if GAWWWD were handin' out puuuunishments for sexual impropriety? YEW would be at the head of THAT line, EVRY' time..."

(slams the door behind her)

You see...nobody puts people in their hypocritical, finger-pointing places better than a passionate, well-spoken Southern woman.;)

Our personal little cast was:

Bobbie-Gail, naive little country girl, Teder (nickname)/Laura, counter manager and peppy college cheerleader, Jen, young, suburban soccer mom, Judy, wise, witty older woman, Me...whatever I am. (Judy informed me today that I was the socially-conscious/artsy intellectual? Then there was Melody, the Ho...because, as I heard a comedian say once, there always has to be "the ho" in any group of women. :)

Though Melody came close, there were no "ditzes" in our group, Clinique didn't hire ditzes. It would ruin the whole "lab coat" effect.;)

Just like on Designing Women, we geniunely liked each other, and all openly wished we were a little more like the others in some way, and probably were, underneath it all.

Though there were the occasional "Ya know? You're really bugging the shit outta me right now" snips at each other, which passed very quickly, we were a fairly phony-free, more mature bunch, but we still found various ways to be the "Counter of Trouble."...in a good way, we were a lot of fun. Thus, everyone wanted to work at our counter, there was actually a waiting list.

A rarity with a bunch of women, but there really were no catfights. No backstabbing and no deep-seated, unadmitted jealousy. No passive-aggressive, blind-siding jabs. No boyfriend-stealing/merit-stealing competition and no gossipy vindictive, retaliative drama.

Just laughter, fun, support, and friendship, celebrating each other's accomplishments and genuinely happy to see our friend commended. We were truly a team.:)

Half of our fun was pulling pranks on other people because our department manager was never around, she was always in the stock room, drinking vodka-spiked coffee all day.

"Hey Tede, where's ML?"

"Yeah, she's um..."doing inventory" (wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Our favorite game was playing pranks on Teder; she was so OCD about the way our counter looked and kids messing up the samples. Funny, I always KNEW she was a secret nurturer (hellloooo, she's a cheerleader); because she now has four kids and is a stay-at-home mom.:)

I remember once, this little boy was running in circles, round and round the counter, which WAS pretty annoying, but I thought Teder would lose her mind over it. I was bored and needed a laugh. Well, it just so happened that I had some fake dog poo in my purse.
(Never mind, you don't want to know.)

So after he left, I left it in the middle of the floor behind the counter, just to mess with her a little.
Tede? OMG! Come here, look! That little boy came here behind the counter and look what he left behind!

"What...WHAT THE FUCK??? CHILDREN RUNNING FREE SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! Somebody call housekeeping!!!"

Judy and I soiled OURSELVES, watching her pinch her nose and poke at it with various objects herself (because everyone knew housekeeping took three years to get there, if ever) until finally she figured out it was fake.

"Chrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyystttallll! You bitch, hehehehe."

Too late...I was already halfway out of the store, gone to lunch... hehehehe....wicked, wicked, I am.

Judy is particularly gifted with people...she could say some of the craziest, most shocking, even insulting shit, and people would love her for it.

Once a priest passed by, and without shame, she said, "Hi Father! Why don'tcha come here and bless me and our new product?"

...and don't you know, he actually did?

"Um, Jude??? Are youuuu....Catholic...or... anything?"


She was full of stories about people she'd met or waited on, over the years, but the best Judy story I told McKenna just recently. The woman has NO shame. She used to bartend on the side to make extra money, had a ton of stories.

Apparently one day, some drunk asshole took one look at the small-breasted Judy and said, "Woman? Where the HELL are your tits?"

Judy, quick as a wink, said, "Sir, I'm sorry if my appearance displeases you...but I just had a double-mastectomy after breast cancer."

Hopefully by now with what I've told you about Judy, you DO realize.... she hadn't had a double-mastectomy OR breast cancer.

.....but that'll "learn 'em," hehehe.

That man left her a 100-dollar tip and sent her flowers every day for two weeks.

No shame, I told you...but he kinda deserved it.

Clinique was a pink-ribbon supporter back in the early days of breast cancer research, before people realized it was the number two killer of women, and before it was cool to wear those pink ribbons or people even knew what they were for.

During October, 5% of all Clinique sales went to Breast Cancer research, wayyy back when; so it was very much a part of our mindset.)

So new, in fact, that often when people would ask us what the pink ribbons were for, we'd often be in the middle of ringing them up and stumble out, "Breast Awareness Month."

Which, of course, was followed by fits of giggles from the counter ho's...."Yes...please be aware of my breasts, or the lack thereof, during the month of October."

So everyone?

On behalf of my old, good friend, Judy...during the month of October, please wear your pink ribbons and be aware of our breasts...or the lack thereof.;)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

For Myanmar: "Bring Me a Higher Love:" Buddhist Blessing and A Prayer from the Book of Common Prayer (Episcopal)

First, just some random photos I had on file to show you on the way out...over the past two years....:)

...just a picture Bubby took of me on confirmation day. I wore black and white, to represent my Taoist/Buddhist influences....refuse to adhere to just one philosophy...such a rebel.;)

I kinda look drugged ...Heeeeee! Dude, seriously....what the he...um...I mean...what the heck (whups, confirmation day)... was I off in thought about?

(Southern Belle accent) "Why, I was thinkin' about...Jesus, of co-ahse, dahlins!" *bats eyelashes*

Rev J...gosh, hi there...yeah, um...I was...thinking....about your last sermon...
...mm hmm, I WAS....no, really.... ;)

RANDOM PICS OF PEOPLE I LOVE...who have stuck by me through thick and thin......:)

Zack (McKenna's father...who, despite fussing with one another regularly for fun, is actually one of my best friends), Confirmation Queen, McKenna (she's lost 16 lbs since that photo...give it up for ma girl!), and his mother, Charline, also a dear lady and friend...)

I like this picture of the two of them...HE looks like a member of the Bush family, tho...acts like him too, some days...always the conservative, but he has a heart he likes to hide.;) Money, money, money....football, football, football, though...pttthbbbbttttttt.;)

This is our confirmation day, our "class" as true "Pisckies" ...baptismal candidates too...clockwise: Jack, Mike, Pam and Luc...second row...Jan, me (overly cheesing because we were laughing right before this was taken...can I help it if the bishop was funny?), Queen Bubbina, Zach, Michelle, Brynna, Julie, Kailey, Julie's parents. Back row: Bishop Sauls (still want that haaaa-atttttttt:), David, Marianne, Sarah, Renauld, can NOT think of Julie's husband's name. Argh! Julie's other daughter, Caitlyn, is in the wheelchair...broke both legs due to a fall off a horse..:(

Dat's me, ma grandma (91, pretty good for that age and with lung cancer, eh? This was taken before the fall and when she could still walk; now in the last stages of lung cancer; mom has finally resumed primary caretaking of her), and the Queen of the Day, Miss Bubby.:)

Clearly, these photos have been untouched, and you'll be happy to know that no further harm of the images has been done because, well...that's just not possible ....I look bad enough already. No Photoshop, just lightened them...

It's a BLOG, people, not your ticket to stardom or men....just the real deal...as it should be.:)

I wish I had a recent picture of my best friend, Amber B or my lil sister, Ruthie, but...

A) Neither one would let me, at this point, considering what some did with other pictures of mine and you scared them off from commenting a long time ago.

B) It would take at least three years to find one they'd approve of...but Amber still reads here today...love you, Amber.:)

~~~~~~~~~~~ORIGINAL POST~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had the weirdest dream last night...

Besides the fact that once again, someone I wish I'd never met two years ago, created an ID and ran around the internet with it again...oh wait, that wasn't a bad dream that actually happened...again.

No, no.... I guess my mind was on the mounting tension in Myanmar/Burma, or at least my subconscious was.

I was in an Episcopalian church, but not mine...more like the old-style cathedrals.

There was Jan, my former priest (and friend) at the pulpit,...with the Dalai Lama standing there beside her, smiling at each other and taking turns offering sermons?

I turned to my right, and there was Bubby, smiling up at me like the little cherub she (mostly) is. I kissed her on the cheek, put my arm around her.

I turned to my left and smiled up to whom apparently was my husband.

Who was it, you ask?

Famous Buddhist, Richard Gere, of course... duh... ;)

Actually, I...don't...know where th...?????

It was a dream, whaddya want from me?;)

(There were, however, no gerbils in sight, just in case you were wondering.;)

From both religions, whose common goal is (or should be).... to end all suffering....

For Priests of Myanmar and their people:

Traditional Buddhist Blessing:
Just as the soft rains fill the streams,
pour into the rivers and join together in the oceans,
so may the power of every moment of your goodness flow forth to awaken and heal all beings,
Those here now, those gone before, those yet to come.
By the power of every moment of your goodness

May your heart's wishes be soon fulfilled as completely shining as the bright full moon,
as magically as by a wish-fulfilling gem.
By the power of every moment of your goodness

May all dangers be averted and all disease be gone.
May no obstacle come across your way.
May you enjoy fulfillment and long life.
For all in whose heart dwells respect, who follow the wisdom and compassion, of the Way, May your life prosper in the four blessings of old age, beauty, happiness and strength.

Prayer for Peace, Book of Common Prayer
Eternal God, in whose perfect kingdom no sword is drawn but the sword of righteousness, no strength known but the strength of love: So mightily spread abroad your Spirit, that all peoples may be gathered under the banner of the Prince of Peace, as children of one Father; to whom be dominion and glory, now and for ever.

Almighty God our heavenly Father, guide the nations of the world into the way of justice and truth, and establish among them that peace which is the fruit of righteousness, that they may become the kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

O God, the Father of all, whose Son commanded us to love our enemies: Lead them and us from prejudice to truth:deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and in your good time enable us all to stand reconciled before you, through Jesus Christ our Lord.


...the last stanza of this Southern Episcopalian hymn, a personal favorite, can be applied to both religions....whose common goal is...or should be... the end of suffering...

What Wondrous Love Is This....
...and when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
...and when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.

...and when from death I’m free? I’ll sing and joyful be...
...and through eternity, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
...and through eternity, I’ll sing on!

You ain't heard nothin' until you've heard a Southern A.M.E soloist sing this song from the perspective of their history...and from their very soul.:)

And finally, my own prayer...


For Mychal Bell in his jail cell and the Jena 6, bring them a higher love

For Justin Barker, recovering from injury, and his buddies, bring them a higher love...

For the Jena, Louisiana DA, Reed Walters and the jury, bring them a higher love...

For Rev. Jesse Jackson, Rev. Al Sharpton, and the NAACP, bring them a higher love...

For the Buddhist priests in the streets of Myanmar, withstanding tear gas and shots over their beliefs and personal freedoms, help them remember their higher love...

For the military agents on behalf of Myanmar government (questionable Chinese stance?), bring them a higher love...

For the American Soldier in a foreign land, stroking his family's picture in his hand and saying a prayer, off to perform his ordered duty, bring him a higher love...

For the Iraqi "insurgent" who fights against him on ordered duty, holding his family's picture and saying a prayer to the same God, bring him a higher love...

For the Ultra-Conservative Republican Southern Baptists and the candidates they vote for, bring them a higher love.

For the Ultra-Liberal Democrat Atheists or Wiccans and the candidates they vote for, bring them a higher love...

For everyone in between...bring us a higher love.

PLEASE bring George Bush, Dick Cheney, and General Petraeus a higher love..hehehe

For all members of Congress and the Supreme Court, bring them a higher love...

To those in the public eye of fame, being publically humiliated or publically humiliating others and those who think that cruelty is a form of entertainment, from their rehabs, their "news" positions, the comfort of their "cribs," or other self-chosen prisons...bring them a higher love....

For those trying to achieve fame, going to any means to get there...whether on stage, in the media, behind the scenes or...even on these blogs...bring them a higher love.

For my ex-husband and his family, bring them a higher love...

For my mother and father, sisters and brother...bring them a higher love

For my friends and family, McKenna's teachers and McKenna and whatever trials they face, bring them a higher love...

...and then there's me...bring ME a higher love....:)

UPDATE: 09/27/2007: Woo hoo! The DA lessened the charges to juvy, set him free on bail!!!

But...um...Walters...dude...I'm so embarrassed for you right now, my arrogant "Christian" brother...

Mmm no..."Jesus Christ" and/or God will NOT rescue either you OR Mychal Bell from the consequences of either of your poor choices....he promised he wouldn't step in with free will...so YOU did this...

Your interpretation of divine intervention stopping violence against you actually makes no sense, considering the whole issue is about violence towards one ya boys to begin with, or helllooo, perhaps he would've intervened in this situation earlier, hmm?

Ha, wouldn't THAT be nice!

Oh well....back to focusing on MY missteps in faith/misinterpretations, MY screw ups, and MY "sin.":)

No, wait a minute, I'm sorry...I get to do a little happy dance right now...teee heee! All that AND the house and senate defy Bush's threat of veto on the children's healthcare bill and pass it..? Is it my freakin' birthday? I've been waiting for years for this shit!

"Uh...ahem, passengers...this is your pilot, Captain Elizabeth Swan, speaking to you from the Mostly Friendly and Tolerant Skies of Moderate-To-Liberal Airlines....

As I told you last week...just a friendly reminder to fasten your seat belts, ladies and gentleman...

...and put your tray tables in their upright and locked positions....

...though we may hit some turbulence...

...it appears we're actually coming in for a landing....

...it's time for social change...."

At last. :)


P.S. I want to put watching that truly... um...crazy-ass display of the darker-side-of-human-nature-in-groups in blogland behind me...and go out feeling the way I felt the moment I wrote the above post..enriched by higher love.:)

Peace be with you...

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What a surprise! Suddenly, Osama's Back! Grab Your Plastic and Your Duct Tape;)


(BTW, for the intelligence-impaired, this post is written in that "crazy new style" called sarcasm...look it up.)

So...let's see...

Petraeus didn't get the reaction they were going for with his report, nobody's really happy with him from any perspective along the political spectrum; a report chosen to be done on an emotionally charged day for effect...though no correllation has ever been found conclusively between Iraq and Osama bin Laden OR that Iraq ever had weapons of mass destruction.

.... then a huge antiwar protest in D.C. occurs last week.

Suddenly, what a freakin' coincidence! Is it? Yes, I believe it is! There's the face that "strikes fear in the hearts of all Americans" all over the news... again....Osama bin Laden! AAAAK! (Again...sarcasm, people.)

......it's curious that we don't seem to care much what Osama bin Laden's doing until the popularity polls for the war are down, do we? ;)

I can hear it now...

James Earl Schlub says: "Well, golllll damn, Betsy....there's dat funny-lookin' A-rab feller with a sheet on his head again, the one who killed on them people on 9/11? Where's he been, that sneaky critter, I almost forgot about him.

Wait, didn't The Lord's Holy Henchman, Dubya, tell us.......wuddn't he like...the King of Eye-Rock or something and that's why we're there?

Yeah, that General Patsy-Us was talking about them EvilDoers in Eye-Rock on the TEE vee, last week.

DAMN that Evil Eye-Rock with their...evil...eyes...tryin' to be' all...evil....and stuff. Honey, get my checkbook and my shotgun..."

Betsy Lou Schlub says: OMG!!!....*Mia Farrow-fist-in-mouth*... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...oh, hep me, lil sweet baby Jesus lying in your manger! Hep me, Dwight D. Eisenhauer, hep me General Patton! Hep me Joseph McCarthy...hep me Andrew McCarthy!!! Whatta we do, daddy, whatta we do???

Southernspeak4 says: Well, Schlubs, let's all run right out and buy our plastic and duct tape *eye roll* (....which would perhaps protect me from all rational thought, but certainly not against Anthrax).

I wish we WOULD go after OBL for a change, instead of Iraq, there's a novel idea...since it IS called the "war on terrorism" and he was the actual terrorist.

"Men of God"... chosen leaders to fight the "evildoers?" I think not...

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye will know them by the fruits of their labor... " Matthew 7:16

Dudes....this fruit you keep feeding us costs a bundle and it tastes like crap, it's rotten...and going to get it is killing our young. Were not even sure why we're still eating this shit or ever were. In fact, the only people that seem to enjoy this shit are the oil companies and...well, YOU and your buddies.:)


"Uh, this is Captain Elizabeth Swan, speaking to you from the Friendly, Tolerant Skies (mostly) of Moderately Liberal Airlines...

Just a friendly reminder to fasten your seat belts, ladies and gentleman...

...and put your tray tables in their upright and locked positions....

we're coming in for a landing....

......it's time for social change...."

At last.


Thursday, September 6, 2007

Don't Forget "Talk Like a Pirate Day," September 19th



...this made ME giggle anyway...but then, it IS me, after all.;)

This is how cool my priest (and friend), Jan, is...***don't read if you can't mix spirituality/religion with a sense of humor.

She sent me this rewording of the liturgy on that day to read to McK, who is a die-hard Johnny Depp/Pirates of the Caribbean fan.

I dared her to actually do it on that Wednesday night service and not say a word as to why... just act like it's a completely normal occurrence...but she WON'T, God...bless her.

What if I provide the dreadlocks and hat? No?;)

Here's a snippet of it....

The Great Thanksgiving:

The celebrant says to the people:
The Lord be wi' ye

People: Aye, and also wi' ye....

After breaking of the consecrated bread, the celebrant faces the people and continues:

Da gifts o' God fer the people o' God, take 'em in rememberin' Cap'N Christ sank down to Davy Jones' locker fer ye, and feed on the lad in ye hearts by faith.

....On the night he be givin' over to sufferin' and Davy Jones' locker, Cap'n Christ took the hard tack, and when he'd beat the weevils out, he gave thanks and broke it and gave it to his maties, and said, "Take and be eatin', this be my body; do it in 'membrance o' me..."


The following was my response:

... she'll get a giggle out of it... I think your sermon should start like this... "Aye, ye scalawag Pharisees that call yeselves the Christian Coalition and His Majesty's Royal Navy...take the barnacle out ye own eye...." ;)-----

...and her response...

.I'll do it! (Just kidding...but I wish I were brave enough ..)

Thanks for the laugh.

Hope McK feels better soon.

Blessings, J+

I wish she would...but "people like us bleedin' heart liberal" pirates already take heat in this conservative, southern, back-asswards town.

Btw, McK just has a bad cold, no worries...I know you all were.

Gonna miss you, Rev J...you rock it old school.:)

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

MY Expressive and Creative Content...hehehe

Below is the end result of reporting "Terms of Service" violations to Blogger, after I reported the second round of chronic ID impersonation... (see examples, this same ID name, this time with no right-clicked/saved picture of me, on the blog links in the post below this one...note the number of profile hits on the fake versus the number in my real ID).

...followed by my "creative impersonation" of their response letter....;)

Hello,Thank you for your note.

Please note that Blogger is a provider of content creation tools, not a mediator of that content. We allow our users to create blogs, but we don't make any claims about the content of these pages. We strongly believe in freedom of expression, even if a blog contains unappealing or distasteful content or presents unpopular viewpoints.

We realize this may be frustrating and we regret any inconvenience this may cause you. In cases where contact information for the author is listed on the page, we recommend you working directly with this person to have the content in question removed or changed.In cases where the author is anonymous, please note that in accordance with US state and federal law, it is Blogger's policy to only provide a user's contact information pursuant to a valid third party subpoena orother appropriate legal process.


Well...here is my "creative impersonation" (cough, cough)... excuse me...I mean "creative interpretation" of your words:

Hi...what us your name again?

We believe in "freedom of expression;" even if one (or more) blogger's "freedom of expression" smear campaign all over the net resulted in the oppression of YOUR "freedom of expression" and right to defend yourself, and the ability to blog anywhere, any time, without being followed shortly thereafter by "freely expressive" harrassment by the other blogger's mob in the comments section.

We have a difficult-to-find, useless "report abuse" system. This is a site at which you can bubble in an area of concern, such as impersonation, for your own amusement. This is simply to give you, our valued blogger (what was your name again?) a false sense control over your environment; and besides, people just like bubbles.

Everyone likes bubbles. We are very proud of our bubbles. People have remarked on our bubbles. Do YOU like our bubbles? Give us some feedback...we care about what you think here at Blogger. What was your name again?

In other words, we have all the power, you have none...nanny, nanny boo boo.

Though we have the power to restrict illegal activity such as identity impersonation on Blogger, we're not going to and you can't make us, There's nothing you can do about it.

We take no responsibility for our ineptitude or general lack of foresight when we instituted this site.

In short, we will make no effort whatsoever to rectify any of these inherent problems now, or at any time, in the near or distant future.

However, we wrote you a nice note back with a friendly greeting, which should suffice to make us appear responsive, along with the standard bullshit that hides behind the first amendment to the Constitution.

(Actually, we enjoy watching this shit because we got tired of watching porn, playing with our Star Wars action figures, and playing quarters in the back room instead of repairing one of our servers, and we decided to watch someone be harrassed for fun!)

Otherwise, haveanicedaybuhbyenow:)


Do ya like MY "freedom of expression?" But...have a nice day.:)

Sunday, September 2, 2007

"Hatshepsut Was Here"

... despite frantic efforts to "chisel away" her place from historically-accurate written record ...... & attempts to defile her true image....

Centuries later, she was found in a relatively modest tomb, wrapped in royal linen; a pleasant-yet-determined countenance, a clenched hand where a scepter had once been.

She had died from natural causes, in the end; having bowed out gracefully; allowing others to misunderstand & judge mercilessly, not having enough information. She let them think whatever they would.

There was no gold; no other distinguishing accoutrements of royalty; thieves robbed her of any remaining traces of her previous status, desecrating her remains.

All previous propaganda had finally been disproven; her actions better understood with more information.

She was remarkably well-preserved, of course,;) completely restored, & finally resumed her rightful place in history.

The End.