Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Speaking of people with no moral compass....

My Southern Baptist coworker, otherwise a normal and loveable individual, decided to hop on her soapbox and give us all a lecture on the evils of "The Golden Compass" during a meeting today.

It was one of those professional association meetings that always seem to be held at the Holiday Inn, where you are stuck for hours. You are forced to sit and listen to stuff you already knew, but you act attentive anyway, mostly because you think you're going to get freebies and prizes from the reps if you answer all the questions later.;)

This particular meeting was held because Rep Company A bought out Rep Company B.They were "unveiling" some multi-million-dollar software program that was supposed to "revolutionize the industry."

Unfortunately, instead of gift cards to favorite restaurants this time, they instead wrapped up a paperweight with their logo with a cheap-ass silver bow and threw some Jelly Bellies in a gray plastic container, obviously sparing no expense. Woo and hoo...apparently they went all out THIS Christmas.

Upon discovering it was my other coworker's birthday, I put the silver bow on the plastic container, handed him my container of Jelly Bellies, and said: "Here, dude...Happy Birthday..I got you this." Hehehe.

When asked if there were any more birthdays today, I replied, "No, but mine was Saturday? What do I win?"

I was...promptly handed another piece of gray plastic filled with Jelly Bellies.

Closet Trekkie Boy/Harry Potter fan/Birthday Boy and I amused ourselves by pretending they were Harry Potter's "Bertie's Bott's beans" and that they tasted like more interesting flavors, turning the people there into more interesting creatures for our amusement; particularly the guy in front of me. He kept turning around and leaning on my table. He reminded me of an older version of Anthony Michael Hall in "Sixteen Candles," complete with his sad idea of a come on.

"Hey babe...how YOU doin...I knew you'd come 'round. Don't you hate these things? I'd rather take you out to lunch."

I...was tempted to throw Bertie Bott's beans in his bald spot when he turned back around.

I think Trekkie Boy (also the owner's son) thought I wasn't paying attention because of such antics, as well as snickering like a madwoman with my other coworker at her mutant-alien stomach rumblings. Can I help it if it reminded us of an episode of Seinfeld?

He thought I wasn't paying any attention...until they asked if there any questions. :)

I said: "Yeah...um...I really like the new quoting system, it's much more user friendly, and I'm REALLY glad it will save our progress if we lose connection. However....did I miss that there are any error messages to catch you, should you put in values that are inconsistent? "

Uncomfortable shifting of weight, and then..."hmmm...she may be right, what about that, A?"

"(smile) Well...um, yes, we're aware of that. There's a blanket statement at the end that reminds you that all quotes are subject to approval. We're um...working on that. For now, it's especially important for you to double-check yourself."

"Oh, I will...thank you.:)"

Trekkie boy smiled sheepishly at me, which I've learned is his nonverbal equivalent to:

"You clever little shit...the moment I chalk you up to being nothing more than a giggly idiot, you turn right around, dump out all the contents of a problem on the table, and find the crux of the problem...yeah, we'll have to watch that before we quote."

I winked at him. He's a loveable, teddy bear kinda guy.

And good enough, company points earned.

During our HP "Festival of Beans," however, I had forgotten that coworker to my left, though a very dear lady who makes me laugh on a regular basis (as does her stomach), is also a good old-fashioned Southern Baptist gal, which means I was promptly given a lecture on Harry Potter, witchcraft, etc. being "of the devil."

I asked her if she believed that I shouldn't eat JIF peanut butter either, because the CEO of Proctor and Gamble was actually a Satan worshipper.

She looked at me like I farted a funeral. Then she realized I was joking and laughed; she'd forgotten she'd heard that ridiculous churchy rumor, actually started by a competitor.

Then she told me not to let McK see "The Golden Compass" because it was about child-stealing and soul-stealing and God loses at the end of the series.

I told her I'd have to read it for myself first to see the overall message, and that sometimes I didn't see much difference between witchcraft and saying the same prayer 20 times; in fact, I wondered if it was actually the same thing, it was just the label we put on it.

She said, "Aren't you a big church fan/Christian?"

I said, "Sure I am...but I respect all beliefs, I keep an open mind. I'm more about getting past the legalism of religion and more about the overall message, the choices the "characters" make; duality of man, good vs. evil, etc.

I'm also about letting your imagination carry you, without letting yourself get carried away by your imagination.

God likes imagination, he created it...and he understands temptation. Like... Halloween....you can dress up as witches and ghouls, as long as it ends there; never being able to actually cross those moral lines...even when anonymous or a character.

It's the ones that dress up as angels or cute little monkeys, pretending they don't actually have the darkest of human dark sides that you need to worry about most.;)"

Closet trekkie boy proceeded to choke on, then spit out, his last Bertie Botts birthday bean.