Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Friend, The Donut

If you put the friends that I've allowed close to me (since moving here) in a room together, you'd probably scratch your head and say... "Um...and these people have WHAT in common, exactly?"

In fact, they'd probably ask themselves the same question...but talk to them for an hour, you'll see it. I don't care about your class, your wealth, or your education; your skin color, religion or sexual preference, or who or what you date and drive.

If you have a sense of humor, you can can converse about a subject without getting distracted by shiny objects in the room, you can shoot straight instead of sugar-coating, and if you are virtually without hypocrisy or harsh judgment of others? You're in.:)

If you had asked me in college if I would ever be close friends with a Southern Republican woman, I would've choked on my Ramen noodles and Milwaukee's Best and asked you to stop hitting the crack pipe (or if I had been?).

However, either because she and I take a more moderate stance or because we find common ground on women's equality issues and anti-racism/bigotry, we seem to make it work.

Donut's a drop-dead gorgeous woman, a former beauty queen from Arkansas, but make no mistake; her daddy was a lawyer and I often think she missed her calling. However, with her warm, hospitable demeanor and gift for diplomacy, her careers of travel agent/customer service management (as well as part-time teacher and full-time mom) are perfectly suited.

Don't ever forget,however, you ARE dealing with a Southern woman....and nobody can put you in your place like a well-spoken Southern woman. ;)

There are essentially two kinds of Southern women:

1. The passive-aggressive, manipulative Southern Belles that smile in your face and call you "honey" (but pour something in your coffee later).

2. The "We opened up our home and world to you, but now you done pissed off a Southern'd best hide" type. Colorful straight-shooters; we are akin to some African-American women in that way.

And never forget the Southern-woman rules:

1. If we START a sentence with "Honey...?"... it means that you are somewhere between mildly irritating us to encroaching on "you'd better run now" territory, depending upon our tone.

2. If we END a sentence with a "honey" (or it's anywhere else in the sentence than the very beginning), we are being sincerely empathetic (or phony, depending on if you are Type A or Type B Southern woman.;)

Donut and I are...definitely the latter, Type B Southern gals.

She's doesn't realize this, but she's also an gifted writer, whom I try to encourage and I hope will give us a sample....except on those occasions when she wants to write hate mail to Obama, lol.

Donut reads the letter she wrote and says, "So what do you think, is this too inflammatory?"

I tell her it's not, but I doubt he'll read it anyway.

"What if I end it with - KISS MY ROSEY RED ASS, will he read THAT? Is THAT inflammatory?" HAHAHAHA. (Donut has the best laugh, you have to laugh with her, she thoroughly enjoys laughing.)

"Um? That'll probably get you sitting next to John Hinkley in a prison cell, yeah."

"Well, I've already written my congressmen and I guess I just make myself feel better if I send it, I don't care. This shit with the mortgages and AIG is a mess and there's not any regulation to the aid they're receiving, no followup and the mortgage rules are to stringent to help anyone.

However, the site says not to send anything 'inflammatory' and no personal items such as pictures, fruit, etc."

I ask, "Hahahaha! Fruit? And I wonder what the "etc." is? Can you imagine what some wingnuts must send? They need to have a list to specify: 'Please do not send us undergarments, clean or dirty, no vegetation, badly-written poetry or Anthrax. Thank you, Your First Family."

If it hadn't been for the patient, onwavering support over the last year from My Donut, I don't know where I'd be...I probably WOULD have gone crazy.

She's another one of those "doesn't get back as much as she gives" types, like me....not that we do it for that reason. Here's a post dedicated to her, in the hopes that she knows how much she is appreciated.


Okay, taking a deep breath and....opening up the comments (moderated).

Donut will be on later this weekend, maybe Emilio, Ruthie, Kit-Cat and some others, but quite honestly, after what happened to me, they're a little scared to do more than read; well that, and they just think blogging is stupid, lol.

Oh, and you guys may remember my BF from Florida, Amber (uzikitty)...she'll be on eventually too...but right now she is PLANNING HER WEDDING....YAY FOR THE AMBIE!!



Your sense of loyalty and love of friends people would do good to emulate.
On an aside, I could kick any southern girls' ass- I'm a red head and we all descend from the Vikings. :)

I am intrigued by southern women,though.

Southernspeak4 said...

Ubes: I'm not arguing with ya...ALTHOUGH I SO COULD! ;)

All right, should know you're dealin' with the fightin' Irish....fisticuffs?



Chrys- I am half Irish. :)The mean half.The snotty half is my 50% English.


Oh LOL! I just saw your tag line- HILARIOUS!

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Tell Uber your going to pay someone to put glass in her wheelie bin. That will start an argument. lol.

Ask her what a wheelie bin is. That's funny as hell.

Southernspeak4 said...

Ubes - Allright, then, I'll be fightin' the Brit half. BULLOCKS, there won' be any of that cuz I'm half Brit too. I guess we'll just be be drinkin' a pint an' I'll put a glass in ya wheelie bin.


I have no idea what that is, but I like the sound of it?

Shelly, I think we need an Uberspeak interpretor.

"Uberspeak4" ...I like it!

Speaking of which, if someone gives you shit, say "Pogue ma thoin!" Look it up in Gaelic-to-English Dictionary.;)

Yup, my tag line...laughing at myself/the situation, I'm pretty good at...until it went way past funny to Creepsterfest.

Southernspeak4 said...

Wow, thanks real-life friends, I look like a total tard, ya chicken shits.;)

Nah, I know some are just busy....and nervous about it.

And I don't really give a shit, I'll talk to myself, lol, as long as I can blog here without more bullshit, I'm good.

Mark Steel said...

I worke as a Systems Analyst in the Dockets division of a Federal agency in DC for a couple years. Yes, it's more than a little amazing what people send.

It's also surprising that so many people are willing to put their names, addresses and telephone numbers on their inflammatory comments --- along with dead animals, rotten fruit, excrement, and, at times, Anthrax --- which will so "obviously" become Public Record.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the majority of that behavior seems to come from California. I am entirely convinced that it has something to do with that state's authoritarian attitude towards smoking and the fact that so many people are unable to afford or partake of that particular stress reliever. ;-)

Southernspeak4 said...

Ha, now you've captured my fleeting attention span for a moment, based on the simple fact that we share the same nasty habit of blackening our lungs together, lol.

C'mon, let's go on break.;)

Do you bleed blue or orange, tho, boy?


Ah, California. I like there progressive attitudes, but sometimes they are just...illogical.

Let's legalize weed, but let's ban tobacco. Neither one can be good for your lungs, whatever it's laced with, lol....and one can never be sure.

Btw, y'all, I DO need to say that Donut's comments were not at all inflammatory, she just feared they would be and the "rosey red ass" thing was just her sense of humor.

Thank you, that is all.

Southernspeak4 said...

P.S., Marky Mark, I'm at the library until the net is setup at my home this afternoon and it won't let me view your site because of "pornography," lol.

I'll catcha when net is setup. I'm here to let my boss know it's not up yet. Keep my IP private, though, cool? Well, you understand.:)

Mark Steel said...

No pornography ... Just flagrant use of "foul" language, thanks to an increasingly shorter fuse.

Southernspeak4 said...

Well then, count me in!

Either way, I was trying to tell you I'd be by your place later! ;)


A wheelie bin is a garbage can. Ours have wheels.
It's a criminal offense to put glass or other recyclables in your wheelie bin or to leave the lid up.
Welcome to the new Russia.

Southernspeak4 said...

Well, you might have the opposite problem. Get caught drinkin' on a Sunday, smoking anytime in public or voting Democrat and they perform an exorcism and then shoot you execution style.;)


Dictatorship is the new black.

Southernspeak4 said...

I agree, fascism is chic.

Btw, Marky Mark, I was teasin'...yikes, don't anyone to get the wrong idea!