I swear to God, I'm often tempted to just pull up a chair with some popcorn and watch the kitchen staff, especially when Sally is the window manager. She is normally the service manager, but they alternate to break the monotony.
She is hands down, one of the funniest women I think I've ever met. Making her even more interesting is that she's a sincerely good person, instead of using her wit as a weapon over other people unless she has to. (For a good Sally story, read a few posts down.)
She has a knack for motivating people...okay, perhaps blatantly threatening people...to get things done, lol.
Last night, we didn't have a food runner, so it was a bit chaotic, but when ISN'T the restaurant business chaotic?
Every two minutes, she'd scream...."I need runners...RUNNERS ALL DAYYYY!!!! HOT food, people, out of my window NOW....don't make me punch you in the head, I'm serious...oh, how I'm serious....oh, I'll hurtcha...HURT..CHA!"
Then she turns towards the side, despite no one being there at all, and does some kinda weird ninja move that looks more like tai chi gone horribly awry.
ME: "Sally, I WILL run food for you, despite that.... weird karate kid move you did, just now."
Sally: "JP, Chrystal just said she never wanted to see my ninja moves, ever again, do YOU like them?"
JP rolled his eyes and walked away.
JP is our singing cook. He has no shyness problem whatsover. He will sing any song, any time, and people in the back of the restaurant can hear every word he's singing and saying. In fact, many regulars ASK to sit in the back so they can listen to JP's songs and general improv. However, don't ask JP for requests...he sings whatever he feels like singing...or not at all. You...don't want JP in a bad mood, trust me.
Last night was apparently some sort of 80's Rewind Night, because I swear to God, I think I heard every song played at my prom. Sam often chimes in on duets and back-ups, and their particular favorite last night, heard at least five times, was The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be, " complete with thick Scottish brogue. Check the video...Bubby's gonna flip when she gets home because, of course... Johnny's in it, hehehe.
(JP's solo): "When I wake UP, yeah, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man whooh wakes up next to youah.
"When I goh oUWWT, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with youahh"
Music Video Codes by VideoCure
This sort of thing makes JP one of the most entertaining people I've ever met. He's getting his Master's degree in European history, and he's just applied to Oxford for his PhD...making him also one of the smartest people I've ever met.
The problem is, unlike Sally...he knows it.
He and New Hot Bar Manager got into a intellectual pissing contest through the window the other night, like Alpha males often do. I've...actually begun to take an active dislike to New Hot Bar Manager, as have most people. So their slight sparring competition went like this:
JP: "Yeah, I'm working in a restaurant next to you, despite graduating Magna cum Laude for FUN, assholes."
Hot Bar Manager: "Hey, a college degree isn't everything...look at me, I graduated with honors too, and I'm now a lofty bar manager."
JP: "Oh yeah? I'll be sure and remember that about you and everyone else here, when I'm at Oxford next year."
Which was overly shitty and sounded a bit superior. HNBM's face is turning bright red, now...he's...mad and trying NOT to go apeshit, like he usually does.
So despite my dislike for Hot New Bar Manager (and if given the choice, would choose JP over him for company any day), I decided that he had taken things too far; things were tense... so I decided to pop a pin in the overly large ego of JP, for the moment...hehehe.
"Really, JP, that's awesome....so...you've been accepted, then?"
Everyone stops what they're doing, it's dead silent, lol. I'm wiping down counters casually, with my back to him. They slyly smile and look from me over to JP.
"Well..not yet, but I'm sure I will be, with my GPA and history."
Bar Manager looks at me and winks. I have on my innocent poker face, which I actually have a hard time doing, usually. Hehehe...ain't I a stinkah?
I decided to smooth it over with him too, so he knows it's just a brief humbling session for him, but I really do think it's cool.
"Well, when you go... will you at least take me with you?"
"Okay, I will."
He's always really polite with me, I'm not sure what that's about. This is a good thing because I'd never want to get into a verbal tete-a-tete with JP, he'd... kick my ass.However, later, he's mouthing loudly about how 90% of the people working there are idiots. He reminds me, loudly, that I have not put an upcharge on adding bacon at least three times tonight.
Me: "Thanks for reminding me, JP...I'm sorry."
JP: "No seriously, you need to do that."
Me: "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry...thanks."
JP: "Upchargggeee on bacon."
Me: "JP...I GOT dis, thanks."
JP: "It really bugs me for you guys to be asking for stuff and then not ring it in later."
Me: (loudly now): "Yes, I can tell...once again, I'm sorry...and THANK you, JP...for showing me the err of my ways. I can honestly say that I am now a better person, because of you....thank you, from the bottom of my heart."
Bar Manager spits out his sweet tea and everyone is laughing.
JP raises and eyebrow at me and says, "You're...welcome."
What could he say? Probably a lot, but he didn't...thank God.
That man could shred me verbally within seconds. I could put up a good fight for a little while, but I'd go down in the second round, I'm pretty sure of it.
Otherwise, it was mostly an uneventful evening of truckloads of rednecks coming in from the outlying areas, having just received their tax refund checks; coming into to the big city to eat steak and Miller Lite drafts or Beam and coke and tip us approximately 8.6 percent....so thank God for some of the people I work with for the entertainment, or the evening would've been a total loss.
Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4
