Shelly's Great Topic: Boundaries and Co-Dependency

I edited this post and republished it today, adding a P.S. at the bottom; thus, the takedown of the previous post on this subject.

Being as I wanted my very last comment while here to be in support of Ubermouth to prove that I have been and always would support and defend her, I'm leaving my take about the topic on Shelly's blog HERE instead.

At the bottom is a list of signs of "damaged boundaries."

The list is NOT for anyone to use to point fingers at others, it's a list to be used for self-examination, as our own behavior is the only thing we can control.

I've included a personal preface to drive home the importance of self-examination during or following any interaction.

I was initally a clinical social-work student, considered a whiz kid at insight into the human psyche. I had one year of therapy as a professional requirement and at the time, I realized I needed to get my own issues out of the way before I could help anyone else.

I got into Al-Anon and then further therapy later.

At the time, I was focused on my husband's drinking/drug behavior, refusing to focus on myself.

In therapy, however, I learned that I had PTSD, a depressive disorder (possibly environmentally-triggered), and codependency issues...and MY issues were the only thing I should spend my energy on and could control.

His behavior had given me an excuse to try to save someone else, which was a convenient distraction from working on my own issues. I'm ashamed to say now that it made me feel healthier that he was so fucked up.

However, if it was so bad, why wasn't I leaving? Because we don't keep doing things, even an abusive marriage, unless we're getting something out of it.

Many people wave co-dependency around like a victim banner, when nothing could be further from the truth. They blame all of their problems on the ill person or the user, thinking it makes them look like a long-suffering martyr and a saint to have to endure them.

In some cases, (one thing I DIDN'T do), when the user stops using or being dependent on their partner and begins to set healthier boundaries with them, the co-dependent partner feels lost and will put MORE stress on the user to "change back" by guilt trips, reminding the user of his issues or illness, simply because they need to feel needed and healthier and someone to blame.

The reason it's called co-dependency is that the partner has very similar issues to the user/ill person, only stronger coping skills. They often have trouble with boundaries themselves, but imagine themselves healthier because they aren't engaging in whatever behavior is considered the biggest problem. Not surprisingly, then, if someone changes in the dynamic, it's actually the user or admitted ill person themselves, not their partner, lol.

It is a common misconception that the weakest person in the dynamic or the "one with the problem" goes into therapy.

In fact, it's often the healthiest and bravest person involved that is even willing to take a look at themselves honestly, admit to and take responsibility for any behavior.

It's the ones running around that refuse to ever take a look at themselves, blaming others for their problems or things they had a choice in doing, that are often the most unhealthy.

Whatever the case, focusing on the other person's behavior entirely leaves us responsibility-less and trapped in a victim mentality, and as strong, intelligent, mentally healthy women, we know better than that. :)

Statistics have shown that victims of crime are often victims again as long as they stay in the victim mindset; the theory being that your mindset/attitude is drawing them to you and that predators can sense vulnerability coming off ya, they can smell ya a mile away, lol. In fact, it's not uncommon for abused women to fall into another abusive relationship, a rape or crime victim to experience a subsequent rape or be robbed again.

Why, because they love drama? No, because they're stuck in that vulnerable, victim mindset and feeling victimized is familiar to them; and if there ARE any predators in the room, they're gonna find you first.

Though there are times when we are truly innocent victims and people often do things to us out of their own issues, there are other things we need to take responsibility for our participation in; we need to at least at take a look at ourselves, what choices we made.

Realizing that we have the power of choice and that we carry responsibility in relationships doesn't make us "to blame," nor does it mean we deserve abuse or mistreatment.

And mistreating or abusing in return is never justified; you don't get to blame your choices in behavior on the other person.

As much as we want to blame solely one person, it still takes at least two, sometimes more in group dynamic situations.

If you choose to participate, you have to take responsibility for that choice regarding the type of communication you're engaging in and for engaging at all.

Realizing we carry responsibility in relationships does not mean we are the "one with the problem" and it is not shameful, it's empowering...because we realize we have the power of choice and we can UNCHOOSE whatever that behavior is or that we engaged at all.

Even if I'm robbed, such as I leave my wallet in the car, it doesn't mean I DESERVE what happened to me, but I DO need to take responsibilty for the fact that I left myself wide open for crime. This is the only thing we can control, what we learned and will do next time.

Many of us with great empathy are drawn towards being the caretaker in relationships (usually because we had to grow up quickly and take care of our parents) and/or caretaking professions, which is actually codependency in many cases. Sometimes we imagine ourselves helping others, when in fact, it's a fine line between caretaking and control.

True therapists, pastors, nurses, etc aren't supposed to instruct or advise; they hold up a mirror to you and let you figure it out for yourself, directing you in certain directions, but letting you sound it out yourself... lest you become dependent on them.

Many people are drawn to this profession because they need to feel needed and it gives them a sense of control in an often chaotic world to analyze everybody else, and an excuse not to focus on their own problems.

As much as they need to do this to feel in control, they are also curiously drawn towards dramatic relationships and professions. They don't usually create it, but they are drawn to it because it's familiar to them. Let me tell you, realizing THAT was a jagged little pill for me to swallow in therapy....which is why I didn't continue in that profession. ;)

The healthiest client is the one that does not allow themselves to become dependent and sets boundaries with a therapist and vice versa so this will not happen.

What are boundaries?

Most people that hide out on the net from real relationships and real life have no idea. They can recognize the lack of it in others, but refuse or are unable to see the same behavior in themselves. There is much hypocrisy on the net and little self-awareness...and as long as people are receiving public validation (enabling) the way they're behaving, they probably won't ever realize that.

But in fact, the mere fact that you are blogging about your life or what image you want to project publically and need public validation for shows us that, yup...you probably have at least a few boundary issues, lol.

It's cool, nobody had perfect parents and many people struggle with boundaries.

Boundaries are quite simply, each person in a relationship has the right to be a separate entity; where I stop and you begin.

The feelings of each person should be equally valued and though each should be sensitive to the needs of the other, no one should feel like they are walking on eggshells to please the other or need to keep changing behavior to make the other more comfortable. If you do,there's something wrong in the relationship dynamic and you both carry responsibility in that.

Boundaries are often misused.

They are not about teaching someone else how to behave or about boundaries without being asked, nor are they to shame someone else for not having learned them, weilding as a weapon of superiority; boundaries are about protecting ourselves from getting overly enmeshed in each others' problems and behaviors.

Here is the best list of signs of damaged boundaries I have seen yet...from Al-Anon.

**This is NOT an exercise in pointing the finger at what's wrong with others, this is asking you to evaluate YOURSELF.

1. Going against values or rights to please others.

2. Giving more than you get back or simply for the sake of giving.

3. Taking as much as you can take without regard for the others feelings.

4. Believing others can mindread or anticipate what you need without being told.

5. Expecting others to meet your need automatically, in exactly the way you think they should if they "really care about you." This includes guilt tripping, ultimatums, etc.

6. Expecting that others will meet your needs, even though they are neglecting their own to do so.

7. Falling apart so someone can take care of you.

8. Needing to feel needed, give advice without being asked, healthier or otherwise superior to someone else to feel comfortable in a relationship or good about yourself and in control.

9. Letting others define you.

10. Defining/analyzing others without doing the same to yourself.

11. Telling too much too soon.

12.Posturing; the inability to get vulnerable or be emotionally honest about what you ARE really feeling, out of fear.

12. Allowing others describe your reality to you or define you.

13. Describing others reality for them or defining THEM.

14. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

15. Being unable to say "no" or stick to the "no" and handle the backlash of having d0ne so.

16. Not being able to ACCEPT the word "no," whether an explanation is given or not, without retaliating with guilt trips, coercion, pressure, abusive comments, etc.

17. Addictions such as drugs, alcohol, sex, the internet, spirituality etc.

18. Refusal to take responsibility for or be held acocuntable for choices or behavior at all or without excuses or blaming.

19. Taking on ALL the blame or responsibility in an interaction entirely.

20. Not placing boundaries when someone is doing any of the above behaviors and it affects YOU alone, no one else. ..and not placing boundaries or adhering to them is YOUR responsibility.

Brilliant, and so true. Most people do at least three to four things on this list, I know I do. Doesn't mean you're crazy, but you have work to do...we all do...we're a work in progress.:)

P.S: ....

C,

Just because I asked you to take a look at a some of the things that were said that were hurtful, after apologizing to you repeatedly for my misstep in an email (that truly had no malicious intent) several times already, does NOT mean I'm saying YOU'RE to blame.

It does NOT automatically mean that I'm going to do to you what others have done here.

Just because I didn't do everything the way you think I should does NOT mean I didn't care about your feelings.

I'm not going to agree with you on everything 100%; I don't have to and I won't be guilt-tripped, etc. into doing so.

We are two people that have stepped on each other's tripwires after both being the target of some assholes on the net and we need to recognize that fact, both of us, taking responsibility for bringing in baggage from those past issues that does not belong.

It's not entirely YOUR fault, nor is it entirely MY fault...we both fucked up, but all I can do is take responsibility for MY misstep and leave you with the rest.

After today, you will see that you WERE wrong about all of these sudden accusations and ulterior motives you think I have. You will see that I'm no longer in contact with anyone here, that I wasn't going to trash you, I'm not (nor was I ever) part of the fight club, I really do have a daughter, and this situation will NOT turn out like others have treated you here.

I really cannot be raked over the coals for what I DID say in that email anymore; there was no malicious intent and I have apologized and done my best to make amends; however, you are correct, it should not have been said.

I still appreciate what you did for me, nothing has changed, and I would defend you vehemently to this day.

However, I cannot continue to focus solely on MY behavior and what you think I'm doing wrong and why any further without being met halfway....that's not a fair friendship and in my real life AND on the net, I don't allow friendships like that anymore, I'm sorry.

I had the password on the email account I was speaking with you on changed by someone else so that I won't even know what it was and will not be even be tempted to engage in any of this further.

Doesn't mean I don't still love ya and won't remember you fondly, swear to God...I just can't take being accused any more of things I didn't do and ulterior motives I don't have for saying something in email regarding how easily trigger happy we BOTH were now, yourself included (though you don't want to admit it), ending it with..."but ya gotta love her anyway.":)

I was in hopes we could all help each other heal, but we ARE still too trigger happy, suspicious and defensive; it's not just me.:)

Take care,

Chrys

More of a Post-It Than a Post...

Ubes, as you know, I've decided to call it a day.. :)

This just isn't as much fun as it used to be....and you're right, I'm still too defensive and knee jerky here, lol.

Blogger has also become a huge mess of blog wars and retaliative bullshit, it's almost irreparable.

I'm just glad that I could post here for a few days (which I always should've had the right to do) without the Fight Club's delusions of grandeur and general psychosis...and the fact that I could post now was because of YOUR efforts, Ubes... and I will never forget it.:)

I think that's what people don't get about you - not only your tongue-in-cheek sense of humor, but that your intentions are always the best, despite their sometimes crappy presentation.

We don't always see eye-to-eye and that's okay with me. :)

I just read that anon's comment and left you my last comment everrrr upon seeing it, lol, so feel special.

See? Who still loves ya.;)

And Shelly, I'm putting the dang picture back up, lol....BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. Clearly, I failed miserably, lol. There was no other ulterior motive than that. And I rewrote this post because I wanted to put this post-it note to you as well.

Let 'em see your sense of humor, Shelly, you're hilarious "in person." Plus you have a great laugh.:)

You know, everyone reading...if you're ever going to repair the mess that's been made of Blogger, you have to stop snap-judging and assuming the worst about each other, giving others the same benefit of the doubt you clearly expect for yourself.

If you want to know something, ask for clarification before jumping to conclusions...and if you make an accusation, you'd better have the proof to back it up...and not the impersonated/hacked/altered kind either. ;)

God forbid, you might be... *gasp*...wrong and/or misinterpreted someone's behavior.

And as Freud himself said...sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. ;)

That's what really bugged me about blogging; you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Regardless of what you do or don't do; people think they know the history and the motivation behind every action you take and that they know how they could've handled things better, never having been in that situation.

And all too often, people project their own motivations onto the person or overly identify with them.

Blogging is a snapshot of a person's life at a single moment in time...no more, no less.

Please try to get over yourselves and not take yourselves so seriously, JEEZ, I thought I was bad, lol.

Was I ever THAT caught up in all that behind-the-scenes bullshit?

I guess I was, so no judgment here...but I don't WANT to be privy to those things now; who posted what and where and why and the history. I just wanted to do this for fun, getting feedback opinions and connectivity with people 'round the world. :)

It's just a blog, peeps, not your life...unless you let it become your life.

If you're going to stay, try bringing a little good-natured fun and humanity back to Blogger.:)

Oprah and the "Sex Toy" Scandal.;)

This weekend, my friend Donut (below) asked me if I watched the Oprah "Talk-to-Your-Kids-About-Sex" episode.

I told her no, I try to avoid Oprah at all costs, lest she haunt my dreams.

Donut gave me an instant replay, recapping the opinions of the show's panel of psychologists, who claim that statistics support that children whom were spoken to about sex at an early age (age appropriately), birth control and STD protection actually WAITED to have sex.

"Okay, I'm with ya," says Donut.

THEN, they went further and asked us as parents to consider buying sex toys for dealing with their sexual frustration...which is where they lost the Donut.

I haven't seen this episode, but if any of you have, clue me in if this is incorrect? (Or just chime in with an opinion.)

No, I'm sorry - I'm all for sex education and teaching my child coping skills, but some she develops on her own for self-reliance and quite frankly? Much like her homework, sexual frustration is HER responsibility, not mine.

My daughter is nearly 15 years old and she has the healthiest attitude about sex I've seen for a girl her age. Since age 5, she knew all the body parts by their correct names and I answered questions that I considered age appropriate. Her friends love me because they know that they can talk to me about anything and I won't freak out (but they also know I will lay down that law, when necessary).

They know, however, that I draw the boundary in that I won't discuss:

1) My personal sexual history in detail, other than what situations I regretted or remembered fondly, or how I felt about my first time (which actually was a beautiful experience; I was lucky, completely in love, well-protected and we were each other's first:) .

2) I don't give "how to" lessons, other than condoms and birth control, lol.

I have told her that sex is a natural inclination, a basic human need; however, it's a private behavior and doesn't need to be shared with everyone. Like bathroom time, there's no need to broadcast it to the world or wield it as a distasteful weapon.

I have also explained that her virginity is one of the few things in life she has complete control over; it's empowering, when life so often leaves us feeling so powerless, particularly as women - so why give up that power to just anybody?

I've also explained that pleasing HER is just as important as pleasing HIM.

Her father, the ultra-conservative, likes to pretend he didn't do the things he did when young, giving her an impossible standard to live up that he couldn't himself. He and I went round and round over giving her the Gardasil injection; his ignorant theory being that it will promote sex. His insurance will cover it completely; otherwise, I would have to pay out of pocket.

His girlfriend (whom I adore) explained it just as I had done: "Z, don't be an idiot....first of all, it takes years to work/build up immunity, which is why they get the shot so young. And even if she waits until marriage, you don't know where her husband has been...and what about rape? This is NOT about sex, this is about protecting her from cervical cancer!"

Finally, he consented, reluctantly.

Because of this attitude, Bubby refuses to talk to her father about sex or boys, which is sad, because I think she really NEEDS an honest male perspective.

So I guess it's me and....school.:(

Last year, she was forced to take the "Abstinence" course in school, which has been proven to be a failed program. The teacher became miffed when she pressured my daughter into signing "The Commitment" form to wait until marriage.

Bubby said..."I PLAN on waiting until marriage, but I don't know what I'll be like in five years....and I don't want to feel pressured into marriage too young, just because I want to have sex. I want to get married after college and that's an awfully long time to wait."

"Your whole point is that I shouldn't be pressured into doing things I'm not ready to commit to, without considering the alternatives, right? "

"However, I haven't heard all of the alternatives in this class, only abstinence. "

"So with all do respect, aren't YOU pressuring me to commit to something I'm not ready to to do, without considering all of the options?"

Being as this was done very respectfully, I supported her 100%.

I am pleased to report that recently, her boyfriend of four months broke up with her three days after she wouldn't "put out." She was devastated because he pulled the whole "I'm so in love with you, I want to marry you one day, I've never met anyone like you"...and Bubby really needed to feel adored by a male...all little girls need to be adored by their fathers, or they look for it all their lives.

I don't say what I'm thinking, which is, "Yes, Bubby, he's a nice kid, but like the mom says in Parenthood...they all say that, especially as teenagers...and then they cum."

However, if you ask her if getting him back was worth having sex with him and her response was:

"No, you were right; I should've taken it slow, I fell flat on my face the first time in love and now he's making a joke of me because I wouldn't go all the way after four months. "

"Though this hurts like hell, I'm GLAD I didn't give it up to that prick and that I found out what he's really like, or I would've regretted it all the more!"

Beautiful, Bubby...I am so proud of you.... you never cease to amaze me.

My Friend, The Donut

If you put the friends that I've allowed close to me (since moving here) in a room together, you'd probably scratch your head and say... "Um...and these people have WHAT in common, exactly?"

In fact, they'd probably ask themselves the same question...but talk to them for an hour, you'll see it. I don't care about your class, your wealth, or your education; your skin color, religion or sexual preference, or who or what you date and drive.

If you have a sense of humor, you can can converse about a subject without getting distracted by shiny objects in the room, you can shoot straight instead of sugar-coating, and if you are virtually without hypocrisy or harsh judgment of others? You're in.:)

If you had asked me in college if I would ever be close friends with a Southern Republican woman, I would've choked on my Ramen noodles and Milwaukee's Best and asked you to stop hitting the crack pipe (or if I had been?).

However, either because she and I take a more moderate stance or because we find common ground on women's equality issues and anti-racism/bigotry, we seem to make it work.

Donut's a drop-dead gorgeous woman, a former beauty queen from Arkansas, but make no mistake; her daddy was a lawyer and I often think she missed her calling. However, with her warm, hospitable demeanor and gift for diplomacy, her careers of travel agent/customer service management (as well as part-time teacher and full-time mom) are perfectly suited.

Don't ever forget,however, you ARE dealing with a Southern woman....and nobody can put you in your place like a well-spoken Southern woman. ;)

There are essentially two kinds of Southern women:

1. The passive-aggressive, manipulative Southern Belles that smile in your face and call you "honey" (but pour something in your coffee later).

2. The "We opened up our home and world to you, but now you done pissed off a Southern gal...you'd best hide" type. Colorful straight-shooters; we are akin to some African-American women in that way.

And never forget the Southern-woman rules:

1. If we START a sentence with "Honey...?"... it means that you are somewhere between mildly irritating us to encroaching on "you'd better run now" territory, depending upon our tone.

2. If we END a sentence with a "honey" (or it's anywhere else in the sentence than the very beginning), we are being sincerely empathetic (or phony, depending on if you are Type A or Type B Southern woman.;)

Donut and I are...definitely the latter, Type B Southern gals.

She's doesn't realize this, but she's also an gifted writer, whom I try to encourage and I hope will give us a sample....except on those occasions when she wants to write hate mail to Obama, lol.

Donut reads the letter she wrote and says, "So what do you think, is this too inflammatory?"

I tell her it's not, but I doubt he'll read it anyway.

"What if I end it with - KISS MY ROSEY RED ASS, will he read THAT? Is THAT inflammatory?" HAHAHAHA. (Donut has the best laugh, you have to laugh with her, she thoroughly enjoys laughing.)

"Um? That'll probably get you sitting next to John Hinkley in a prison cell, yeah."

"Well, I've already written my congressmen and I guess I just make myself feel better if I send it, I don't care. This shit with the mortgages and AIG is a mess and there's not any regulation to the aid they're receiving, no followup and the mortgage rules are to stringent to help anyone.

However, the site says not to send anything 'inflammatory' and no personal items such as pictures, fruit, etc."

I ask, "Hahahaha! Fruit? And I wonder what the "etc." is? Can you imagine what some wingnuts must send? They need to have a list to specify: 'Please do not send us undergarments, clean or dirty, no vegetation, badly-written poetry or Anthrax. Thank you, Your First Family."

If it hadn't been for the patient, onwavering support over the last year from My Donut, I don't know where I'd be...I probably WOULD have gone crazy.

She's another one of those "doesn't get back as much as she gives" types, like me....not that we do it for that reason. Here's a post dedicated to her, in the hopes that she knows how much she is appreciated.


Chrys/Southern

Okay, taking a deep breath and....opening up the comments (moderated).

Donut will be on later this weekend, maybe Emilio, Ruthie, Kit-Cat and some others, but quite honestly, after what happened to me, they're a little scared to do more than read; well that, and they just think blogging is stupid, lol.

Oh, and you guys may remember my BF from Florida, Amber (uzikitty)...she'll be on eventually too...but right now she is PLANNING HER WEDDING....YAY FOR THE AMBIE!!

For Ubermouth, Shelly, and Others Affected by the Fight Club: Remember Copernicus:)

Dedicated to Ubermouth, Shelly, Paula, Steph, Kevin and many others (even though long gone).

Before I get to the story that I hope will provide a bit of comfort, I have this last word of advice for Shelly: Don’t overthink it, honey…your first instincts were correct, as our first instincts usually are. You were right the first time; I was a whistleblower.

Someone named Paula tried to tell me some friends of ours considered themselves "internet hit men" that a rejected or jealous/competitive person could call upon to bully a person off the net.

I, too, thought she'd gone crazy and didn't believe her, dismissed it; especially the people she was claiming were involved…until one was called on ME.

When you saw through the original impersonations of me and posted about it publically they attacked YOU – which how they started with me.

If you mention them publically, particularly their real names, they WILL attack you, gaslight you, smear campaign around that you are crazy to discredit you, impersonate you and hack into your accounts.

Long ago, the last post I put on my now deleted blog was the story of Copernicus. In fact, whenever I'd delete my blog or move url's trying to move past this shit, Brian and the Fight Club would take over the old url, often leaving a reference to this particular post....which is very telling.... ;)

The legend of Copernicus…

Copernicus was often a hothead, but a brilliant scientist; a very sane, logical man. He discovered with a crude telescope (invented by Galileo) that the earth moved around the sun rather than vice versa.

Well, to publically say so was considered heresy at that time, by people that believed in mystical causes for events and were afraid to really take a look at how things actually were; they saw what they wanted to see, fully subscribing to the church's leaders and philosophy without question; so they scoffed at Copernicus and believed him insane.

As a result, Copernicus and his colleagues were brought to trial (being that there was no separation of church and state). In fact, they received death threats for their friends and family until every single one of them recanted, save Copernicus.

Copernicus was the last to take the stand. After watching his friends and colleagues abandon him out of fear (or mob rule), he too signed the contract recanting his previous stance that the earth moved around the sun...to spare his friends and family further persecution.

Though he held the scientific evidence right in his hand, no one would listen, as it threatened the power of the church for anyone to believe anything other than was spoon-fed to them.

It is rumored, however, that even as he signed the papers, he then looked down at the ground, sighed, and whispered "…and yet, it moves…."

As we now know (and Kepler received initial credit for discovering), the earth does indeed move around the sun.


*Sigh*.....And yet it moves, ladies…and it always will. ;)


I am exactly who I seem, btw, including a non-photoshopped picture, weighing in at 107 pounds.

I have a razor-sharp wit and a high IQ, but sometimes I knowingly let my compassion and my hope that people will do the right thing, outweigh that intellect.

Despite being disappointed nearly ever time, particularly here with people who develop 20 characters and act contrary to character when they feel anonymous, I cannot change that fact about myself and I won't....I'm proud of my ability to empathize with human beings, even on the net...which is why I didn't belong here.

The only real protection we have against that sort of "evil" in this world is to resist hatred and bitterness; don't let anyone steal your joy and hope; lest we become just like them or those that call upon them. :)

When my equipment arrives, you may see me show up from time to time, making sure things are okay for you...but I probably won't comment.

Just smile to yourselves and know that in particular, YOU, Ubermouth, made a difference in someone's life....which was originally my goal on the internet before I was attacked. As you know, I was a confidante for many people.:)

The sad thing is that I never would've blown that whistle, had they not attacked me.

You are beautiful, C....and I wish, like you, that I still believed in Karma or God; but I still will not give up my integrity, my values or my empathy, even if I get hurt in the process, because it's simply the right thing to do...which seems to escape so many these days.

Carry on, darlings, and remember...NEVER STOOP to their level...you're better women than that!


Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4

Amber, Donna, Kit-Cat, Emilio (mentioned here previously)....I love you.:)

Emilio, My Crazy-Ass Hemi-Venezuelan Lovah ;) ;)

;)

Just kiddin', ladies, he's just a really good friend.

Thanks to you, Mio, for reassuring Ubes and Shel. (He attempted to post exactly one anonymous comment on Uber's blog and signed it on Saturday afternoon.)

In your honor, I've constructed a post, which I'm writing from McK's dad's house while he's out of town. Hey, I figure that since I'm watering his plants ( and, ya know, gave birth to his offspring) the least he can do is let me use the 'puter for a few minutes.

So I was trying to think of some really good dirt on you...erm...I mean funny anecdotes to tell, DESPITE you telling me today that my personality is exactly like Rachel on Friends (I...guess that's a compliment?).

Even though you could discuss any subject from cartoons to Kafke, guess what sprung to mind first about you?

You, Dean, and Chander demonstrating the proper way to do an "ass check."

I have no idea of how this subject came up, but I think it had something to do with Brandy and I trying to figure out how to check for a wedding ring without being too obvious, and I'm even worse at checking out asses and...elsewhere. I always get caught, then I have to act like I'm looking at the floor for some imaginary object I've dropped.

So then the three of you proceeded to display your own signature "ass check."

Dean (the long-lost Jonas brother) has a quick shy "down-and-to-the-left" flash approach, Chander does a "linger-for-a-moment-with-a-slight-smile-because-I-almost want-to-get-caught" slide-down, and you do an all out "Yeah-I'm-totally-checking-out-your-ass-and-I-like-what-I-see," then look directly into your eyes.

Emilio doesn't look AT you, though, ladies, he looks THROUGH you...he's totally got the dark brown, soulful, mysterious Zorro eye-thing goin' on.

My fondest memory, however, is our favorite past-time; making our coworkers scratch their heads about what the hell we think is so funny. I swear to God, we could writhe and convulse on the floor in a fit of laugher and they would just step over us and go, "Oh them? That's just Chrystal and Emilio bein' all weird again."

For instance, the time that Donny Osmond, the argyle-vest-wearing weasel got on you for sales that day at Christmas (when we're already on people overload that day). I asked you what was wrong and you said you were fine, but this is how you feel about people right now....

You proceeded to play "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowing Pool at top volume on the I-phone, drowning out poor cheery-sounding Perry Como and the canned Christmas music. Donny O. yells a quizzical..."Emilio?".... and we turned around to be met by all seven coworkers and six customers, staring at us blankly and blinking twice...and I'm pretty sure I heard crickets.

You just giggled a "hehehe" and walked away. I'm pretty sure I peed myself.

Despite how "different" you sometimes feel, you were the favorite; nobody could wait until you arrived. People actually checked the schedule to find out and asked each other when you came in. And never forget what I told you that day you let it get you down, you thought you had an attention problem you needed to get checked because of the little slump.

I said, "Yes, you DO have a problem. Your IQ is higher than all of the people in this room put together, this job doesn't challenge you enough, you're more about quality customer service/retaining customers rather than a quick sell, and yet you think YOU have something wrong with YOU. "

"Nope, find something more challenging to do in your spare time to keep yourself from getting bored HERE and sometimes these people aren't going to get you...but they all love you. There, that'll be 120 bucks."

So true, puddin'...and don't forget it on bad days...I love ya.:)

Chrystal

P.S. - Ask Nicole about the jeans, she'll tell you. There's something between "Hello, look at my penis" skinny jeans and your usual "See if you can tell if I even have a penis" relaxed fit, phat baggies. By the way....you passed the ass check... it defies gravity.;)

P.S.S....If anyone has any questions about what REALLY happened and/or to verify my version of events, please call me or Dr. Mary Kelley at 859-431-3052. There's no bipolar disorder, no personality disorder - only PTSD from real-life events and then what happened here. Sorry you felt the need to project your sociopathic behavior onto me because I found out what a few of you were really up to and blew the whistle.;)

It's Cool, OBie...Cincy Still Loves Ya.:)

Hallllleeelllujjjah!

Okay, okay, Obama's not the messiah....but he sure as hell feels like it, to a country so in need of hope.:)

While at work, apparently all ....10 (?) ... Dems that work in this predominantly Catholic institution watched, lol. Even two of the priests came out to watch.

Actually, in this part of town, where North meets South at the river, it's more like 50/50.

Here is a transcript of my IM session with best work bud, Deb, whose office is at home (I am soon to follow):

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Me: So...Obama looked nervous, I thought he would throw up on Michelle any minute, with the world watching.

Deb: I know. I thought it was cute that he messed up his speech. Did you realize that we were forced to listen to Yo-Yo Ma for the seven minutes we were without a leader?

Me: I know. Bubby thought it was a rap artist she'd somehow missed. The most memorable thing about this occasion was Aretha Franklin's hat..or George Bush Sr.'s hat, wtf was THAT?

Deb: Oh my, that's quite a topper.

Me: Yeah, you can do things like that when you're old. "Hey, I ruled the free world and have more money than God. Not only that, but I can't pee easily anymore, nor feel my legs. I don't give a shit, I'm wearing a ridiculous hat that looks like a small wolf landed on my head!"

Deb: Why not put an over-the-top end to that over-the-top presidency of his son's?

Me: The whole thing was like the Oscars. "Best supporting actor...musical interlude...Best Actor, musical interlude. " I was waiting for Debbie Allen's dancers to come out!

Deb: Omg, that's hilarious. "Next up, The George Bush Dancers!"

Me: Bring on the dancing Georgeessssss! Nah, I saw that show already, I hated it...except when they threw the shoes. Why is Dick Cheney smiling? Why does he always have that Mona Lisa smile, like he's clearly thinking something more sinister. And what the fuck did he do, shoot himself in the foot literally this time instead of just figuratively?

Deb: He hurt himself moving out of the office!

Me: Hahaha!

Deb: No seriously, he did.

Me: OMG, I thought you were being sarcastic. I thought it was a gun wound again, lol.

Deb: Nope....damn.

Me: Look at Dubya, scratching his head. He and Cheney look like the organ grinder and the monkey.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh, and OB? Thanks for making us proud to be an American again, at least for 30 minutes.

And though I'm a liberal Dem, as I said a few posts below, we that call ourselves "liberals" need to be "open-minded" enough to concede on a few issues to the Pubes... or you're not as "open-minded and liberal" as you say you are...

It's going to take both "sides" to rebuild this thing. And the Re-Pubes are right, tho....you DID spend a bit too much, didnja, OBie?

Come on, America, You're Better Than This: Stop Wasting Time Finger-Pointing and Just..Fix the Problems

While editing typos in the below post, I overheard a fight between a Dem and a Republican...so I'd like to leave this final encouragement. :)

This country has become entirely too polarized on these issues and it's clear, neither "side" has all the answers; in fact, it will take a combination of ideas from BOTH parties to find the solution.

This is doing us a great disservice, and we're wasting valuable time playing the "blame-game" and pointing fingers instead of just...fixing the problems.

I've often said that the worst thing the terrorists ever did on 9/11 was shake our faith in this country and each other, dividing us...and we're helping them succeed...and a house divided against itself cannot stand.

Though it's no secret that I'm a fairly liberal Dem, unlike a lot of liberals that claim they are tolerant (but in actuality, refuse to listen to the other side), I actually LISTEN to other viewpoints and concede/agree with Republicans on several issues; one of them being the types of government involvement we allow and how much.

In my opinion, if we'd investigate already-existing government waste and misappropriation of tax funds, we could MORE than accommodate a (limited) health care system for the people of our country without having to raise taxes.

And from a more liberal standpoint, to those who say they don't feel that they should have to pay for others to have healthcare at all?

I say that with leadership comes not only prosperity, but social responsibility. If that doesn't happen due to corporate greed, the government NEEDS to step in.

Conservatives seem to have no problem financing setting up schools and healthcare for the people in Iraq...but they DO have a problem financing healthcare and schools for people in your own country? Hmm.

So what do you say to one of the 30,000 people (and former taxpayers) who just lost their jobs with a major corporation, here in town, due to downsizing or outsourcing, then get a new long-term temporary job with half the pay and no benefits?

"It's not our responsibility?"

Oh really? Whose responsibility is it, then, and what are these people supposed to do for healthcare at half their previous pay?

So much for "trickle-down" economics. Did the 11-billion-dollar profit-per-quarter the oil companies (in which Bush and Cheney were heavily invested) made over the last few years trickle down on us?

So how about this, America...start listening to the validity in points made from "the other side."

It doesn't have to be "either/or" or "black/white."

Can you shed the arrogance and your need to be right in order to fix what's broken?

How about we work harder TOGTHER to find a plan that is PARTIALLY government subsidized/socialized healthcare? Watching the mistakes other countries have made in implementation only puts us at an advantage: We can learn from their mistakes and do our best not to repeat them.;)

As for moral issues such as gay marriage and abortion, I'm sorry; though a (liberal) Christian (and a Theraveda Buddhist), nowhere in the bible did Jesus ever take away anyone's right to free will by law.

In fact, if we read the same bible (and I think we did), Jesus wasn't such a fan of convention, Jewish OR Roman law. He felt these laws were being abused by the greedy hypocrites to oppress the poor and powerless classes. In fact, Jesus' biggest problem was with hypocrites and the greedy; a point that has been completely lost on Christians today.

So if God gave us the right to free will, the right to choose his way or not...who are YOU to take it away?

We ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God, all of us. So worry about your own "sin" instead of trying to control by law the "sin" of other people, especially if it doesn't affect you.

Take the log out of your own eye and stop snap-judging others so harshly without really knowing them (from either party)...and for God's sake, show some Christ-like compassion towards one another for a change.

Come on, America, you're better than this and we're wasting time. If we're ever going to heal and find a resolution to these problems, we have to:

1. Suck it up and quit bitching (especially without offering an alternative solution).

2. Stop playing the blame game/pointing fingers, it doesn't matter now.

3. Take responsibility for mistakes BOTH PARTIES made, as well as allowing certain members of both parties to be held accountable for unethical behavior.

4. Start listening to other points of view than our own.

5. Roll up our sleeves, work together, and just..FIX IT...Jaysoos.:)

Southernspeak4

Epilogue: My 40th Birthday/First Tat: Vote Ladies! The Iron-Jawed Angel"

So, um, I'm turning 40...sigh.;) Hehehe, actually, I'm really happy about it, I'm just now hitting my stride in life... and I don't look so bad for my age...Cougar and all that I am...grrrrrrawwrrrrrr.

Kiiidddddinnnng. Though I have no shortage of younger men interested, I'm... not exactly cougar material.:)

So I've been asking everyone what to do for my 40th birthday in December. A small suare or a big bash on a Cincy riverboat cruise? Some said I should skydive/jump out of a plane; others said I should bungee-jump off of a bridge, adrenaline rush?

Um...I'm pretty sure the point is that I made it to 40 without anything catastrophic happening to me (wellll...um, that's debatable, lol, but I survived)...so...why would I want to tempt fate, lol?

I decided to have a small get-together with closer friends, some of whom (the brave ones) are going to a tat parlor to get my first and only tat and their own piercings/tats, then get liquored up and bar-hop around Cincy in a limo with a sunroof...and then we shall randomly sex up whomever we choose and as many people as we choose, indiscriminately.

Okay, I made the last part up? Hehehe.

So what is the tattoo, you say?

After seeing the HBO movie "Iron-Jawed Angels," my friends and I decided that a conceptualized tattoo of this was a perfect representation of me. I've been looking at local artists to try to find someone who can conceptualize it before my birthday; so far, no luck. I may get the tat AFTER my birthday because I will wait to find someone who "gets it." If you haven't seen the movie, watch it and you'll get it.

"Iron-Jawed Angels" tells the story of Alice Paul, who, after Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony, gave the final push for the 19th amendment to the constitution; the right for women to vote and have a voice. These little itty-bitty women, barely 5 feet tall, standing outside the White House, holding banners with determined jaws, were likened by journalists to "Iron-Jawed Angels."

Before the amendment, meeting resistance from men AND women (who seemed to care more about their own political power than their cause), Alice Paul stood outside the White House and read President Wilson's own words regarding freedom and raising our voices, stirring up support for World War I.

Alice reads Wilson's words and loudly exclaims, "Freedom and raising our voices? I guess not if you're a woman..." and tears up his written words, throwing them into the fire.

Men began yelling and grabbing at the women and their banners, pummeling them to the ground, telling them to go home to their children, they were unpatriotic...and the women fought back.

The result was the little posse of iron-jawed angels, peaceably assembling in front of the White House, were carted off to prison on charges of "obstructing traffic" and inciting a riot, lol.

The men received no charges at all.

What a surprise.

When Alice breaks a window for fresh air for the prisoners and begins a hunger strike for their cause, she is sent to the insane asylum in solitary confinement. Word leaks out to the press that Alice has led the women in a hunger strike there and that the staff began brutally force-feeding her, so a male psychiatrist evaluates her. The result is she is cleared, the force-feeding stops, and he releases this statement regarding her:

"In women, courage is often mistaken for insanity."

The result is a public outcry, the women are released, Wilson does a 180, and the amendment is finally passed.:)

Why is it when Gandhi led a hunger strike to have a voice in government in his own country, he's a hero...but when Alice Paul does the same thing three years later, she's crazy? Nobody force-fed Gandhi. I'll tellyou why...because unfortunately in our society, in men, passion + frustration + bravery make a hero...but in women, passion + frustration + bravery are equated with insanity.

Things haven't changed much, except that women have learned to play this card to discredit and silence other women; however, the "gaslighting" card is misogynistic historically...men have always played the insanity card to discredit and silence women.;)

Where will the tat be? Between my hoo ha and my right hipbone, lol.

Why this tattoo? For memory's sake...because I don't fight causes or even stand up for anything anymore, I've had my share and failed miserably.

I finally realized that especially on the net, it really doesn't matter if you're telling 100% truth, how much factual evidence/proof you present, or how many loopholes you can find in the other's story/argument or logic, and it doesn't matter how calm you are..people will believe what they want to believe, especially on the net...the one with the penis always wins, internet OR real life (or the phoniest person/best pathological liar, male or female).

Otherwise, I don't even try to write at all anymore...but at one time, I did...lol...I sure as hell DID finally stand up for MYSELF instead of just defending other people...a few times in life now...and the iron-jawed angel will be there to mark it on my 40th birthday....nobody knowing she's there but me...and those whom I choose to show it too.;)

"Chrys" or Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4...Iron-Jawed Angel of Blogger.;)

P.S. Election 2008: See "Iron-Jawed Angels" and VOTE, ladies...what those women endured for the right for YOU to have a voice!

I personally will vote this Tuesday against any political party that has consistently played on our worst national fear of terrorism by using fear tactics and smear campaigns to start wars and/or win elections.

"Obama: The change we need." I'm counting on it. Make us proud to be an American again...and for a change.


Chrys or Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4

Witch Hunt: Salem 1692 and 2006-2008 on Blogger

This morning, I watched the movie "The Crucible" with Daniel-Day Lewis, Joan Allen, and Winona Ryder. The movie is based on the critically-acclaimed (and historically accurate) play by Arthur Miller, which chronicles the Salem Witch Trials in 1692, and from where we derive the term "witch hunt."

A shameful time in American history, the end result was that 19 innocent people were hanged for "sinful" acts that their accusers were actually guilty of dabbling in, desperately trying to throw suspicion off themselves...as well as jealousy of the wives of some of the townsmen.

There was absolutely no legitimate or credible proof other than the attention-seeking hysterics, bad-acting, and the word-twisting smear-campaign of the girls involved, along with clearly fabricated evidence and the bullied-into emotional reactions of the victims.

As a result of this proofless "witch hunt," our justice system changed and this sort of thing never happened in America again; however, it DID happen to me (and several other people) in the lawless state that exists on the internet, beginning in 2006.

For me, this movie/play brought back with shocking clarity and familiarity the events which happened on Blogger from January 2006 to March of 2008.

In the end, there were at least 13 people, predominantly women, victimized...six of whom I spoke with personally shortly before leaving... all complaining of similar events...and all of whom were curiously holding the the same small group of IP addresses responsible.

Being as my right-clicked picture attached to fake blogs, yahoo emails, and other accounts/information were now being used to harass other people ( and after a final email warned me to stop blogging) ...I permanently left Blogger on March 28, 2008, to spare others further harassment. I have not touched this blog or email since that day until now.

The third email I had received in this manner since November 2005, this last email was sent by my own account, to myself...only I didn't send it.

The email was confirmed by an IT professional to contain a trojan virus/spyware...the calling card of a hacker.

No one would listen or believe me, and how could I prove it WASN'T me doing it?

It was much like those viruses in the 90s that sent themselves to everyone in your address book that contained porn and you couldn't convince people that you didn't send them, lol...even IT people (often arrogant, God-complex types of people, lol) said it wasn't possible back then....and now we know that not only was it possible...but it became commonplace.

No matter how safe it may feel in the comfort of your own home, the net is THAT dangerous. You reject/block the wrong person or blogging pod and they'll sick a bunch of trolls on you to smear campaign you off, lol. Wow, how desperate some are to hold onto their fantasy lives/false versions of who they are and their 15 minutes of fame...and the internet is the closest some will ever get to fame or an audience, isn't it?

It still amazes me how easily people are fooled and how susceptible they are to the power of suggestion, especially on the internet. Granted, the public at large IS stupid; however, in their defense, those responsible went to sociopathic levels to smear campaign me, afraid I'd tell a few secrets.

How? By right-clicking on my picture and attaching it to fake blogs and commenting crazy shit on other people's blogs, leaving bashing comments right behind me anywhere I'd post, using the FAKE blog with my picture to comment right behind me to create confusion, altering legitimate emails before forwarding them to others, signing my misspelled name to yahoo accounts that I didn't even possess, and finally hacking into my real email and blog accounts.

You...wanted to know. Sorry it sounds crazy, but...truth is stranger than fiction.

It amazes me that even though we all know the dangers on the internet...though we KNOW it's a haven for the unhealthy, hanging out here to avoid who they are in real life/real relationships...though we've read the news that the yahoo emails of someone as well protected as Sarah Palin can be hacked...we still like to believe we're safe because we're sitting in the comfort of our own homes or work.

Worse, when it DOES happen, we STILL blame the victim that he or she must've deserved it...as if anyone deserves that.

My cyberstalking/cyberbullying was begun the same as in all cases of known and proven cases of cyberstalking...by a man who has now been found to hang out at support groups of vulnerable women (and met his wife this way)...and whose advances I had politely spurned online for years...and whom I finally blocked him after seven requests for naked photos, unequivocally and finally rejecting him in no uncertain terms.

He began contacting everyone from my blog with a false story that I had "borderline personality disorder" and had stalked HIM...which catapulted into an hysterical witch hunt. Suddenly, every little thing I did became some "symptom" of a diagnosis I didn't even have, lol.

He specifically targeted three women who were self-admittedly neurotic/mentally ill and who I had been the confidante of, two of whom were admittedly repeatedly jealous of the attention I was receiving on my blog that they felt they were more deserving of...and more importantly, all of whom I'd blocked after confronting them on private issues after they began to affect me adversely.

The rejected man teamed up with the three women and called upon known "net trolls" or an online fight club (that I was once asked to join and refused) to bully me off blogger, and everyone believed it without any proof...so they CREATED proof to justify it.;)

The Fight Club admitted there was no proof and didn't care....they just used the blog gossip to justify bullying people...much like a sociopath throwing a rock off of an overpass onto a freeway, they love to create chaos and finger-pointing fights, then stand back and watch the wreck, laughing.

In the end, those who made the initial accusations still refuse to show any remorse for their actions, refused to take any responsibility for the mass hysteria/chaos they created or that they altered emails, word-twisted and lied... even fabricated evidence completely.

They continued to shift blame and at the very most, blamed others for "influencing" their choices.

They finally claimed that the problem was a disagreement and a "matter of perspective" that I refused to listen to them.

Being I was their one-time confidante, they blamed my private confrontation of their very severe emotional issues to justify their behavior.

Ya know, it's interesting that any of you passive-aggressives that attacked me instead of trying to discuss things with me say that it's ME that wouldn't listen to YOU...

....because not a single one of you even TRIED to tell me directly, email OR blog, until AFTER I was attacked.

It was amazing how many people hopped onto the angry mob with a story, many of you I'd defended when attacked or bullied yourselves.

In fact, not even then. If I showed up even once to find out what the hell was going on, the who's and why's...the lot of you started screaming "stalker" and threatened to shut your blogs down or started posting with the fake ID of me to create confusion.

So no, this situation is NOT a matter of perspective....this was truth vs. lies...and there is no justification for your treatment of another human being like that under any circumstances...none.

In Salem, to this day, the epitaphs of the victims remain in the cemetary where their bodies were literally discarded...their last words proclaiming their innocence.

One reads: "God have mercy on me, I am wholly innocent of this wickedness..."

I still maintain my innocence and that I did nothing more than be your confidante and then confront a few of you, but only when your emotional problems began to affect ME adversely, repeatedly.

In the crucible, as the victims prepared to hang, the last words they uttered were these, the Lord's prayer in unison...

Our father who art in heaven...
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
Forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who have trespassed against us.
Lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,and the power, and the glory...forever and ever...amen."

I forgive you...

Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4

As for your claims of my mental illness, it can and always could be proven in a court of law that you are lying, as well as that I possess no other mental illness than a trauma reaction based on events in real life, verified by a psychologist with 31 years of experience, Yale graduate.

As for me, I have faith that they WILL be brought to justice, face the actual facts, and I WILL be vindicated. Thanks.:)

Stuck in the Snow and Bush is "Waterboarding"...

I'm just stuck inside during a snowstorm and thought I'd write a snippet to mark my six-month anniversary today of moving here.

I'm looking out my big picture window and McKenna's tromping around in snow up to her knees, laughing about it, the little goofball, lol.

Would someone please remind God to hit the spring button? While you're at it, ask him to do something about Dubya.

So I'm looking at Little Bush on the news this morning, getting ready to VETO the "CIA Bill"...a bill which would legally ban inhumane interrogation methods by the miliary and CIA, such as "waterboarding."

Even his new best friend, Senator John McCain, has gone on record stating "waterboarding is pure torture." But we should know by now, Little Bush is determined...right or wrong, nobody messes with Little Bush while he's determined, lol.

FYI: "Waterboarding" is the military tactic of using "simulated drowning" to gain information from a terrorist suspect.

Um...would someone please explain what separates us from actual terrorists if we legally justify torturing other human beings under any circumstances?

What happens if a suspect is "waterboarded" and it's determined that they really don't know anything? Do they just go.."Oh, whups, dude, you're innocent....my bad....sorry I tortured you for no reason."

Well, since you're already such a big fan of waterboarding, Little Bush, perhaps someone should waterboard YOU. I'm sure we'd gain a lot of useful information, and at least our time spent doing so wouldn't be a complete sham and an exercise in futility...you know, like your entire time spent in office and the Iraqi War.

As a interesting aside about Little Bush, I have to tell you that the psychologist treating me for PTSD attended Yale with Dubya; her brother-in-law is still personal friends with him. She says that if you had told her then that he would be president one day, she would've told you to quit hittin' acid and laughed her ass off at the very thought.

BUT...the good news is, Hillary took Ohio....wahooooo!:)

Come on, election 2008....I really don't care if it's Hillary OR Obama; in fact, having one with the other as their running mate would be the dynamic duo...whatever, just...oust out of power that embarrassment to American history AND his little croanies, get a national healthcare system in place without breaking our bank (I like Obama's limited healthcare system better), and take control of OUT-of-control corporate greed...i.e...gas prices and pharmaceuticals run amuck. In short, just..."get 'er done."

I...really hate that expression, but in this case it's actually appropriate.

Thank you, that is all.

My Valentine's Day Lovers....;)

Which do not include a date, but DO include a flamboyantly gay man, Bubby, Bubby's dad, and some good girlfriends.;)

All right, let's get THIS out of the way first. I promised I'd post this video for my "Will" because he's more of a woman than I ever thought of being. His sweety is in Boston and has to work.

Happy Valentine's Day, honey. :) However, I refuse to autoplay it; I'll just post it at the bottom and you can play it yourself, lol.

Okay, okay, I admit it;The Prayer/La Preghiera really IS a beautiful song, particularly the end is chill-giving, though it isn't the best recording....and it IS full of cheese.

For me, Valentine's this year ended up being unexpectedly one of the best I've ever had, but not for the usual reasons. I worked both jobs yesterday and had no date, BUT....I received more cards, candy, flowers, and hugs than I could ever want, everyone was in a great mood, nobody really got any work done...probably because of the chocolate.

You DO realize, chocolate produces the same neurochemical in your brain that makes you feel as though you're falling in love. Who needs love when you have an endless supply of free chocolate?

Not that I didn't have any men interested...the usual freak-magnet set. For instance, here's the line of one guy I waited on...

Me: "So how is everything, anything else I can get for you?"

Mr. Overly Practiced and Smooth: "Just your phone number, and we're perrrrfect."

Groan. Retch.

Then there was a guy alone, seemingly normal at first, but they always are. He had no wedding ring and admittedly had no kids, but said that he loved kids and wanted to have them one day...THEN he pulled out his credit card...WHICH CURIOUSLY HAD ALL OF THE DISNEY CHARACTERS ON IT.

What the....????

He said he just loved all things Disney; he was obsessed with Disney characters.

Either he's lying or he's just freakin'...weird.

That sort of thing is enough to make a woman do a permanent Kegel even the jaws of life couldn't open.

For whatever reason, my adopted "little sister," Brea, decided I needed two straws with hearts on the end of them in my pulled-back hair, so that I ended up looking like a geisha. Will said I looked more like Sacajewea and I needed more bling, so everyone decorated them throughout the evening with metallic candy wrappers. It still wasn't fab ENOUGH, however, for Will.

"Hey, Sacajewea...Lewis and Clark went that way. They said for you to lose the hair straws before they'd hang out with you again."

"No, Will-son, IIIIII am to become geeiisha...I dance for you" and proceeded to bow and do some bizarre version of Sayuri's "Memoirs of a Geisha" snow dance.

Will just...walked away, lol.

Hey, I had my mojo working, but it "just don't work on Will." I'm SURE it's because he's gay and of course not because of my enticing dance.;)

Two seconds later, he's back, laughing, hugging me, and saying, "You are not allowed to quit working here, ever, without my permission and until I quit...I love you."

Right back atcha, Will...mwahh. Chai Raspberry next time?

Love,

Grace


P.S...Bubby has a date to the V-Day dance tonight, wish her luck. He's a pretty good boy boy, I have to admit.:)


CHEESE VIDEO: I remember watching this performance at the Grammy's, they brought down the house. Some people sound crappy live, but they were in perfect harmony, perfect pitch; it really was a "legendary performance," as trite as that phrase is.




Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4

More Restaurant Stories...

From my weekend job...

I swear to God, I'm often tempted to just pull up a chair with some popcorn and watch the kitchen staff, especially when Sally is the window manager. She is normally the service manager, but they alternate to break the monotony.

She is hands down, one of the funniest women I think I've ever met. Making her even more interesting is that she's a sincerely good person, instead of using her wit as a weapon over other people unless she has to. (For a good Sally story, read a few posts down.)

She has a knack for motivating people...okay, perhaps blatantly threatening people...to get things done, lol.

Last night, we didn't have a food runner, so it was a bit chaotic, but when ISN'T the restaurant business chaotic?

Every two minutes, she'd scream...."I need runners...RUNNERS ALL DAYYYY!!!! HOT food, people, out of my window NOW....don't make me punch you in the head, I'm serious...oh, how I'm serious....oh, I'll hurtcha...HURT..CHA!"

Then she turns towards the side, despite no one being there at all, and does some kinda weird ninja move that looks more like tai chi gone horribly awry.

ME: "Sally, I WILL run food for you, despite that.... weird karate kid move you did, just now."

Sally: "JP, Chrystal just said she never wanted to see my ninja moves, ever again, do YOU like them?"

JP rolled his eyes and walked away.

JP is our singing cook. He has no shyness problem whatsover. He will sing any song, any time, and people in the back of the restaurant can hear every word he's singing and saying. In fact, many regulars ASK to sit in the back so they can listen to JP's songs and general improv. However, don't ask JP for requests...he sings whatever he feels like singing...or not at all. You...don't want JP in a bad mood, trust me.

Last night was apparently some sort of 80's Rewind Night, because I swear to God, I think I heard every song played at my prom. Sam often chimes in on duets and back-ups, and their particular favorite last night, heard at least five times, was The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be, " complete with thick Scottish brogue. Check the video...Bubby's gonna flip when she gets home because, of course... Johnny's in it, hehehe.

(JP's solo): "When I wake UP, yeah, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man whooh wakes up next to youah.

"When I goh oUWWT, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with youahh"

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) Video

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) lyrics - Proclaimers lyrics

Proclaimers Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

This sort of thing makes JP one of the most entertaining people I've ever met. He's getting his Master's degree in European history, and he's just applied to Oxford for his PhD...making him also one of the smartest people I've ever met.

The problem is, unlike Sally...he knows it.

He and New Hot Bar Manager got into a intellectual pissing contest through the window the other night, like Alpha males often do. I've...actually begun to take an active dislike to New Hot Bar Manager, as have most people. So their slight sparring competition went like this:

JP: "Yeah, I'm working in a restaurant next to you, despite graduating Magna cum Laude for FUN, assholes."

Hot Bar Manager: "Hey, a college degree isn't everything...look at me, I graduated with honors too, and I'm now a lofty bar manager."

JP: "Oh yeah? I'll be sure and remember that about you and everyone else here, when I'm at Oxford next year."

Which was overly shitty and sounded a bit superior. HNBM's face is turning bright red, now...he's...mad and trying NOT to go apeshit, like he usually does.

So despite my dislike for Hot New Bar Manager (and if given the choice, would choose JP over him for company any day), I decided that he had taken things too far; things were tense... so I decided to pop a pin in the overly large ego of JP, for the moment...hehehe.

"Really, JP, that's awesome....so...you've been accepted, then?"

Everyone stops what they're doing, it's dead silent, lol. I'm wiping down counters casually, with my back to him. They slyly smile and look from me over to JP.

"Well..not yet, but I'm sure I will be, with my GPA and history."

Bar Manager looks at me and winks. I have on my innocent poker face, which I actually have a hard time doing, usually. Hehehe...ain't I a stinkah?

I decided to smooth it over with him too, so he knows it's just a brief humbling session for him, but I really do think it's cool.

"Well, when you go... will you at least take me with you?"

"Okay, I will."

He's always really polite with me, I'm not sure what that's about. This is a good thing because I'd never want to get into a verbal tete-a-tete with JP, he'd... kick my ass.

However, later, he's mouthing loudly about how 90% of the people working there are idiots. He reminds me, loudly, that I have not put an upcharge on adding bacon at least three times tonight.

Me: "Thanks for reminding me, JP...I'm sorry."

JP: "No seriously, you need to do that."

Me: "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry...thanks."

JP: "Upchargggeee on bacon."

Me: "JP...I GOT dis, thanks."

JP: "It really bugs me for you guys to be asking for stuff and then not ring it in later."

Me: (loudly now): "Yes, I can tell...once again, I'm sorry...and THANK you, JP...for showing me the err of my ways. I can honestly say that I am now a better person, because of you....thank you, from the bottom of my heart."

Bar Manager spits out his sweet tea and everyone is laughing.

JP raises and eyebrow at me and says, "You're...welcome."

What could he say? Probably a lot, but he didn't...thank God.

That man could shred me verbally within seconds. I could put up a good fight for a little while, but I'd go down in the second round, I'm pretty sure of it.

Otherwise, it was mostly an uneventful evening of truckloads of rednecks coming in from the outlying areas, having just received their tax refund checks; coming into to the big city to eat steak and Miller Lite drafts or Beam and coke and tip us approximately 8.6 percent....so thank God for some of the people I work with for the entertainment, or the evening would've been a total loss.

Chrystal Smith/Southernspeak4

Bubby and Bob Dole? ;) Why My Daughter Rocks The Universe...

I just have to give props to my daughter, McKenna, this morning, for being the complete goofball she is and making me laugh...every single day. :)

While taking her to school this morning, she told me this story about her, her dad, and her dad's new car. For those non-real-life readers, McKenna's father is Zack, who is NOT the ex-husband I've mentioned; Zack and I never married. We're very good friends, but we're too...different to ever get married.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the man dearly; he's very funny and does little voices, laughs easily at everything...but...um... he just doesn't do "silly" or "absurd" very well.

For instance, she called him after watching MadTV at my house the other day, contorted her face, and said in a perfect "Antonia" lispy voice: "Hello. I have a cat named CC."

Her father said, "Really, McKenna. Did you fall unconscious recently?"

Here's the real antonia, so you can get the idea.



Anyway, her dad just bought a new BMW because he is always Mr. Stereotypical Blue-Blazered/khaki-pants-ed Republican, always about "status." I laugh at him on a regular basis for it. The only indication that he has a wild streak anymore is the left scap (shoulderblade) tattoo of a cloud and a lightning bolt with his fraternity letters on it, which I initially thought was an ice cream cone.

He bought this car in black, for some reason.

So McK decides to mess with him a little, and apparently she says to him, "Hey Dad...are you in the mafia? All my friends think you are because of your car. Dad... fess up, are you? "

"No, McKenna, I'm not in the mafia. Are you serious? DO people really think that???"

"Yep, dad, they do. In fact, everyone calls you 'Fat Tony."

"Wh-a-a? I'm...not fat."

"DAD...I'm J-O-K-I-N-G."

"OHHH...hehehe."

I don't know WHERE she gets that mischievous sense of humor, do you?;)

And ohhhhmigod, people, guess what? We've just finished her HIGH SCHOOL schedule for next year.

BUBBY WILL BE A FRESHMAN!!!

AAAAAKK! I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday I was holding her in "feety pajamas," pretending to chew on those chubby little toes to make her giggle.

Wasn't it just the other day that I had to chase her around the public pool, with her giggling like a-madwoman all the while, because she had completely disrobed from her Barbie bathing suit?

Wasn't it just last week that she and my former stepson shot my tampons as rockets into the toilet to watch them expand, leaving them there when my brother-in-law visited for the first time? (Luckily, I found this experiment in time.)

Now she will have completed high-school algebra and will be in Geometry already, as well as in Honors English and Honors Biology. Where did the time go?

I also laugh when I remember how bright we found out she was at such an early an age. Well, I guess we already knew, because she started talking at six months.

But about a year later, she began some bizarre fascination with Bob Dole that still defies explanation. I found THAT disturbing on so many levels, I can't tell you...I was horrified, lol.

You know what? I'm blaming her father.;)

Every time Bob came on the news, she was mesmerized. I seriously waved my hand in front of her face, but she was not to be deterred. She would wander around holding a newspaper with his picture on the front, it was just plain scary.

I was talking to her dad on the phone during a visit with him and told him to test her because he didn't believe me that she knew who he was and his name. So while on the phone with me, he pointed to a pic of Bob Dole in the paper and said, "McKenna...who is that?"

"Das BobDole."

His name was one word to her, bobdole.

"Heeyyyyy! That's right, honey, that's Bob Dole!!! All right! Who you gonna vote for?"

"Bobdole."

ME: "All right, now, that's enough, Repubic-man. Don't make me come over there and do a Dem Intervention."

"Hehehe. Hey Chrys?"

"Yeah?"

"Our daughter is a genius."

"I know, duh."

For years, for Christmases after that, her Auntie Kim and Uncle Matt gave her one Christmas gift that said, "To McKenna...love, Bob Dole" for our amusement. I think she really thought he was some eccentric uncle she'd never met that gave her treats at Christmas.

She doesn't believe me now that these things ever happened and flat out refuses to admit it, but I remind her that, guess what? We have video.

Gifted kids are weird, sometimes, what can I say. But everyone should have a Bubby, you should get one...except you can't have mine...I'm holding onto her a little while longer.:)